


Fire Burning Bright

by unending_happiness



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Episode: s02e07 How Are Thou Fallen, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Malec, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: s02e02 A Door Into the Dark, Post-Episode: s02e03 Parabatai Lost, Post-Episode: s02e04 Day of Wrath, Post-Episode: s02e05 Dust and Shadows, Post-Episode: s02e06 Iron Sisters, Post-Episode: s02e08: Love Is A Devil, Post-Episode: s02e09 Bound By Blood, Post-Episode: s02e10 By The Light Of Dawn, Work In Progress, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-09-17 11:09:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9320873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unending_happiness/pseuds/unending_happiness
Summary: *** If you are looking to read something Malec that will hold you over between episodes of the show, you may want to skip ahead to the last Chapter. Each Chapter is written after each new episode, and the Chapters don't tie in together.  They can be read separately. :)Set directly after the s2e2 of Shadowhunters: A Door Into The Dark.Alec Lightwood is seriously hurt after using an adamas stone to try and track his missing parabatai, Jace. Magnus is out of the country with Simon when it happens, and he must get to Alec and help him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just couldn't handle all of the feels after the 2nd episode. Alec was hurt and I didn't want to wait 7 days to see how Magnus would feel about it.
> 
> If you live for BAMF Magnus (like me!) I think you will enjoy this. I love these characters so much, and I really tried to do them justice. This is my first ever fic. Please feel free to let me know what you think. Thanks for taking the time to read it!
> 
> I plan to add more chapters to this as the season goes on. Looks like we are on quite a rollercoaster and I think I'll need to get it all out in between episodes.
> 
> Chat with me on tumblr blj2007
> 
>  
> 
> A million thanks to the beautiful and talented LadyMatt for being my beta as well as my friend. I don't know what I did to deserve you, M.

Magnus put the dagger back in the box and carried it to a safe place away from Simon. Usually he would whisk something back to it’s place with a little magic, but not with this. This had to be handled delicately. He went into his bedroom and changed into an outfit for the evening. He still felt the stain of Camille’s memory, like a layer of dirt, on the clothes he currently had on. He often found that the best way to rid himself of negative feelings was to put on something fabulous. Pondering whether or not he should add a pop of color to his hair, Magnus poured himself a drink and went to find his new vampire friend.

Just as he got back to the living room where Simon was waiting, Magnus’ phone chirped at him. A few weeks ago he would have been annoyed to hear a ringtone from someone at the institute, but not anymore. Now he had someone there who he always hoped to hear from. This particular tone sent a small shiver through him, as it was reserved specifically for a certain Shadowhunter with dark hair and hazel eyes. Grinning, Magnus picked up his phone and moved toward the other room for privacy, saying “Simon, It’s Alec. I’ll need a few min…..”

He was stopped mid-sentence by the horror on his phone screen.

**Magnus please Alec is hurt badly. Adamas stone tracking. Please please please hurry- Iz**

Magnus felt like the breath got knocked from his chest. He tried to force himself to calm down so he would be able to focus well enough to open a portal. _Damnit Alexander, I was just gone for a few hours!,_ he thought. Magnus knew that Alec was desperate to find Jace, but he couldn’t fathom how an adamas stone got involved. Adamas stones were very rare and powerful, their magic largely a secret even to him. Magnus’ panic only intensified as he thought of the implications of a Shadowhunter using an adamas stone to parabatai track. Alec had almost died the last time he tried to track Jace the traditional way. His phone started ringing, and he swiped “ignore” and shot back a quick text to Isabelle. He didn’t even need to look at the phone to know it was her who had called.

**On my way-M**

He wanted to say so many other things, like “Stay with him.” or “Don’t you dare let him die,” but Magnus knew that Izzy would do everything in her power to stay with Alec and keep him breathing. He was in no better hands than hers.

“Magnus, what’s going on?” Simon asked apprehensively, having seen the look on Magnus’ face.

“Alec is hurt. Stay. Downworlders aren’t allowed in the institute. I have to go. I have to go now,” he choked out as he pulled up the portal.

“What? But, Magnus...You are a downworlder too. How can you go to the institute?” Simon asked with concern, but Simon’s words were lost on Magnus as he was whooshed through time and space towards the scariest reality there was.

Magnus stepped through the portal into the front entrance of the Institute and walked with purpose down the long hallway. There were Shadowhunters walking around everywhere like it was business as usual. As if everything was fine and his world wasn’t just turned inside out. He stopped and scanned the faces looking for someone familiar, someone who would know where Alec was. _Why hadn’t he thought to ask Izzy that question?_ He spotted a face he knew and recalled the named immediately, which was a great surprise to him. He was good with faces, but not so much names, and he was grateful this one had stuck.

“Raj!! Where’s Alec?” he asked quietly as the man walked by.

“Magnus,” Raj whispered. “You….You can’t be here”

Magnus felt the familiar feeling of fire burning bright inside his chest, a surge of electricity and warmth that started from the very core of his body and worked it’s way out. He struggled to keep his magic and his temper in check.

“Tell. Me. Where. He. Is”, he commanded fiercely. He watched as Raj visibly recoiled at the tone of his voice. Over the years, Magnus had gotten very used to the reaction people had when he decided to use this intimidating tone, and he hoped that it would work to his advantage now. There wasn’t a single second to waste. If this didn’t work, well then, he would have to introduce them to his truly scary side. The truth was that these runed-up babies hadn’t seen anything yet; this was but a small spark of the raging fire that was about to be unleashed if they wasted any more time.

Magnus rubbed the fingers of his left hand together in nervous anticipation as he stared Raj down and waited for his response.

“Uh, I don’t know...I think Izzy’s room,” Raj muttered “but, Magnus you can’t be in here….I mean..you’ll never make it that far. Everyone knows the rules. I’m...I’m sorry.”

 _Oh yes. You are about to be very sorry,_ Magnus thought. He was so sick of this shit. If one more person reminded him that he wasn’t allowed in the institute because he was half demon and half human he was most certainly going to kill someone.

“Magnus!”, Lydia’s voice broke through his anger and he looked up to see that she was walking briskly towards him, flanked by two more Shadowhunters.

“Lydia, Izzy sent me a message.” Magnus said. “I’m here to help him.” It was obvious to everyone who the HIM in question was. Between Magnus and Lydia there was only one HIM and it was clear from the serious look on her face that she knew exactly what was going on.

Lydia responded to him, worry etched on her face, “Magnus. Aldertree is in a meeting in Idris. He will be back, but I must reach him by phone to get permission for you to be here first before you see Alec. If I don’t, you will be breaking the rules, and I respect you too much to let that happen. I know you are worried about Alec. We all are, but…….”

Magnus snapped.

“YOU ARE WASTING PRECIOUS TIME!!!!”, he bellowed. “Now I am going to go to Alexander and I am going to help him. This is not a request. I’ll get there because of you, i’ll get there around you, or I’ll get there through you. The end result will be the same. I will burn this whole damn place to the ground and stomp on the ashes if that is what I must do. But I am getting to him and I’m doing it NOW! RIGHT NOW!!”

Magnus faintly realized that he had let the glamour slip from his eyes and that he already had magic flowing from his fingertips.  
At the sight of this the two men who were with Lydia stupidly decided to step towards him. Lydia protested, but they just kept coming his way.

Stupid. Very stupid.

With the simple flick of his wrist he sent a ball of magic into the stomach of one, effectively crumpling him to the ground in a heap. With another powerful push of magic from his left palm he slammed idiot number two against the wall and kept him pinned there. Holding him easily against the wall with his magic, Magnus turned to Lydia and said “Is he in Isabelle’s room?”

Lydia answered with a nod of her head. He could see the sadness in her eyes as she processed what had just happened, but he didn’t allow himself to waste a second thinking about it. He dropped his hold on the Shadowhunter and took off at a dead run. People around him smartly jumped out of the way, well all except for one, and without even slowing down he pushed that one halfway across the room with a pulse of magic. Magnus was sure he looked terrifying and that he was crossing many lines, but he would think about that once Alec was safe. Around him, alarms went off and people were shouting, but he just kept going as if he owned the place. In this moment, with his cat eyes and his magic pouring from his fingers, he pretty much did own the place. He had used his bad side for much less life-altering things than this in the past. He rounded the corner and shot down the hall. Then he burst through the door to Izzy’s room like a firework and skidded to a halt when he took in the sight before him.

Magnus almost fell over as a wave of despair and pain hit him so hard he thought he couldn’t possibly stand under the weight of it. He placed a hand on the wall to avoid falling over and tried to steady his wobbly knees. He immediately regretted using even a single drop of magic on the way here, as he was sure that he was going to need more magic than he ever had before.

Magnus looked at Isabelle, just to verify that this was actually real. That this was actually happening. What he saw in her face assured him that it was as dire as he had feared. Their eyes locked; their faces mirrors of pain and anguish at the thought of losing this man who meant so much to both of them. The tears streaming down Isabelle’s face nearly sent him over the edge. Izzy was the toughest woman he knew, and things had to be really bad for her to cry.

Alec’s shirtless, tall body was on Isabelle’s bed, making it look way too small. His head was thrown back, blood trickling down from his nose. His back contorting and convulsing like his body couldn’t decide which way to go. None of that was the worst part though. The worst part was his eyes rolling into the back of his head. Those beautiful hazel eyes that Magnus always needed to see. Those eyes that stared at him from the altar, that looked at him after Alec gave him his strength, and that conveyed an apology so very recently. His Alec was leaving him, and he was absolutely terrified.

Magnus wasted no time pulling up a huge wave of magic from his chest. He dug deeper than he had ever dug before and he pushed it out in one huge wave and let it drape over Alec’s body like a blanket. He watched as it settled in and around Alec and he could see blue light moving under his skin. “Izzy, I’m going to need a chair. And don’t let anyone in this room without my permission. I am going to have to concentrate.”

Isabelle positioned a chair just behind Magnus and asked “Do I even want to know what you had to do to get in here?”

“No, you don’t. It doesn’t matter right now. It had to be done. We’ll deal with it later,” Magnus assured her, “Right now I need you to do exactly as I say.” When he felt a hand on his shoulder, he continued “Get my phone out of my right pocket. Send a text to Catarina and tell her that I will give her anything she wants as well as be grateful to her forever if she can be on standby outside the institute. Type those exact words. I may need more magic than I have”

Izzy asked “what else?” as she got Magnus’ phone.

“I need someone here to draw strength from. I don’t know how long I’m going to hold up. Someone strong and trustworthy.” Magnus let the words slip from his mouth while simultaneously trying to keep his thoughts from going to the time that Alec had held him up and given him strength.

“Use me, Magnus. Take my strength” Izzy answered.

“Oh, sweetie, I’m going to need you to watch that door. I had to upset quite a few people to get in here, and Aldertree will be back soon enough, which will open up a whole new set of problems.”

“Magnus, there isn’t anyone. Jace and Clary are gone. They are both with Valentine”

Magnus looked shocked even through the strain on his face. “They are BOTH with Valentine? What else happened today?”

“Clary got kidnapped by Dot, who is very much not dead, and she is with Valentine now. Jace is still there too, wherever ‘there’ even is. Jocelyn was looking for Clary and got the adamas stone from Luke. She offered it to Alec as a way to find Jace,” Isabelle let the words pour out.

“You mean she offered it as a way to find Clary,” Magnus seethed with anger as he thought about how once again Jocelyn had put someone in harm’s way to do what she thought was best for Clary. Of course she knew that Alec would do anything, up to and including, risking his own life to find Jace. She manipulated him and used his pain and anguish over losing his parabatai as a means to an end. His new fury made his magic brighter and stronger to the point that Alec was practically glowing. Magnus would deal with Jocelyn later.

“Where is Jocelyn now?” Magnus asked.

“She’s out searching for Clary. When Alec went too deep into the connection and didn’t come back she went to go find help, but I told her I would get help for him. She left to go find Clary.”

Magnus realized that the help she was referring to was him, and for a moment his heart was heavy at the realization that Isabelle Lightwood thought so much of his abilities that she believed he could single handedly save her brother from the brink of death. He hoped he could somehow live up to her very high expectations of him. He would. He absolutely had to.

“Magnus! What’s happening? Oh no. Is he still breathing? Please, please keep fighting Alec. Please come back. I need you. I need you.” Izzy dropped Magnus’ phone on the floor and dashed over to the bed. She held Alec’s hand tight and looked up at his suddenly still face.

Magnus noticed the sudden change in Alec as well, and it made his breath hitch in his throat. Alec still had blood trickling from his nose, but he was no longer moving. He was perfectly still. Way too still. His eyes were now closed and he looked to be in a deep sleep. Magnus choked down a cry as tears threatened to spill over. He kept the blanket of magic on Alec with one hand while he checked his pulse with the other, placing two fingers just over the deflect rune on Alec’s neck.

“He’s still with us, Izzy. His pulse is good and so is his breathing,” Magnus said. Although he knew that “still with us” did not mean that Alec was going to be ok.

“Did you try his Iratze rune?” , he asked Izzy.

“Yes, many times. It’s not doing any good. We never should have done this Magnus. I never should have let him do this. I’m so sorry,” Izzy sobbed.

Magnus listened to the increasingly loud alarms and the shouts outside the door and knew they were running out of time here. After a quick moment of thought he knew what he needed to do. “We have to be strong right now for him, ok. I can’t risk taking my magic off of him for more than a few seconds, which means I can’t put wards on the door. You can’t help give me strength while guarding the door. And even if we find someone else to help, you can only fight off so many people at once by yourself. If they get in here who knows what they will try to do to me, or what I’ll have to do to them. Plus, I have books at my place that might help. Catarina can come there, and I’ll have access to all the potions as well.”

“Do it. Magnus. Do it. Let’s go,” Izzy was already up and trying to gather her six foot three inch brother in her tiny arms, meaning to carry him through a portal herself.

“No, I’ll get him. Whatever we are doing, we must do it quickly, though. I don’t know how much damage is being done in his mind as we speak. I’ll have to open the portal and then I’ll carry him through myself. Are you ready?” he looked at Izzy one more time to be sure. When she nodded and dropped her brother’s legs, while scooping up his phone and Alec’s stele, he knew the answer was yes.

It took Magnus great effort to force himself to remove his magic from Alec’s body for even one second. He felt as though that connection might be the only thing holding him together. He dropped his hands, snapped his fingers and opened a portal.

Alec lay just as still as he had before, unmoving and quiet. Magnus gently reached down one hand under his neck and the other hand under his knees and lifted him off the bed. He was shorter than Alec by more than a few inches, but he was not weaker. He lifted him with just a little effort and moved to carry him to the portal. It was awkward because of Alec’s height, because this was one tall man. He practically had the limbs of a giraffe, but even so, it wasn’t difficult for Magnus to carry him. Alec still didn’t respond. He was dead weight in Magnus’ arms, his head lolled back and his arms and legs dangling. Magnus allowed himself half a second to think about the fact that had it been under different circumstances, he would have been overjoyed to have Alec in his arms like this.

He watched Izzy grab her brother’s hand once again, and then they were stepping through the portal and toward Magnus’ loft. The last thing Magnus heard before he was carried to his own place was the sound of the door to Izzy’s room back at the Institute being forced open. He wasted no time in closing it.

“They aren’t getting in here. The loft has wards that only allow only certain people in. Most of which are already here now,” Magnus answered the question he knew would be on Izzy’s mind. Let’s get him over here on the chair.”

Magnus gently deposited Alec on the chaise lounge and put pillows behind his head. Snapping his fingers and bringing up his now waning magic, he yelled “Simon! Get a shirt from my closet for Alec. Nothing fancy. Something warm and comfortable.”

“And big enough,” Izzy added.

Magnus already had magic settling over Alec’s body when Simon and Izzy came to put a shirt on him, and clean the blood off his face. Izzy even tried the Iratze again, to no avail. Magnus was beginning to get very tired. He needed to find out if his magic was even helping at this point, or if he should be doing something else.

“Catarina is here,” Simon said, and mere moments later Magnus heard his longtime friend say “Oh, Magnus, what have you gotten yourself into now?”

“Well, Cat. I didn’t do anything directly, but unfortunately I was out of town for the day and unable to keep this one from risking his life, yet again.”

“This isn’t your fault Magnus,” said Izzy.

“It isn’t yours either Izzy,” Magnus countered as he met her eyes. They shared a long glance before Magnus said to Catarina “Cat, I would be forever in your debt if you could please keep some magic on him while I find some source materials on adamas stones, look up a potion or two, and call Luke.”

“Of course,” Catarina replied, already walking toward Alec. “Oh, Magnus. He is breathtaking. I can see why you are so enamored with him.”

“Yes, well. He’s much more than just a pretty face, despite his lack of self-preservation and I’m trying to protect that mind of his. Thank You Cat. I’ll be quick, promise.”

“Mags, dear. Take your time and have a drink. You look like you need 1…..or 10. Besides, you know my magic is stronger than yours anyway. He is in the very best of hands.”

Normally Magnus would have argued with Cat on that last point, but seeing as she was helping him keep Alec alive, he almost agreed with her himself this time. Magnus simply smiled, took a long look at Alec, and said “Cat, I can’t lose him. I’ve only just found him.” Catarina met his eyes and stared into them for what seemed like minutes. He wondered what she saw there. Did she see all the years of pain and loss? Did she see how broken he had been and how revived he was the moment he met Alexander? Did she see the fear for the future and the ache for things that he wanted to be?

Magnus broke Cat’s gaze before his thoughts could cause him to have a meltdown and turned to say to Izzy, “Talk to him. Hold his hand. Check his breathing and pulse frequently. Try to get some rest. I’ll be in my office. Call if you need me.”

“Simon, will you help me please?” Magnus asked.

“Uh, sure. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’d be happy to help. Hey, uh I can give you some more of my hair if you need it, for your potions and stuff“ Simon prattled at Magnus as he followed him out of the room. Simon turned back to look at Izzy and said “Isabelle, If you need anything, let me know, ok? I know Magnus is going to fix him. It’s going to be ok.” His sentiment was returned with a warm smile.

After speaking to Luke and combing through his own books, as well as ones he magicked to his office from all over the world, Magnus wasn’t any closer to knowing what else could be done to help Alec. He was frustrated and tired. He had made and given Alec several potions for general healing and mind wellness, but so far nothing made a noticeable difference. Catarina was still by his side blanketing him in her magic, from head to toe, but at this point Magnus was sure that the magic was only helping his own sanity and not actually making Alec any better. Everything he could find suggested that you had to wait this out and see if the person could come back from going too deep into the parabatai connection. So eventually, Magnus handed Catarina a drink, gave her a kiss on the cheek, and sent her home. This was now a waiting game, and that was his least favorite thing to do. Whereas he had felt incredibly powerful before, he felt equally as powerless now.

Izzy was sitting on the floor next to Alec with her head and arm draped across his chest. She must’ve been listening to his breathing and heartbeat when she fell asleep. He suspected that Cat had maybe even done a little bit of sleeping magic on her, and he was grateful, because she needed to rest.

Magnus took up residence in Catarina’s newly abandoned chair and listened to footsteps come up behind him.

“I poured you a glass. Some of that fancy bourbon or whiskey, or whatever that super old, expensive stuff is in there,” Simon said.

“Thank you, You should pour one for yourself too, and remind me in a few days to teach you the differences in alcohol types,” Magnus said, suppressing a small smile.

Isabelle stirred and she lifted her head up and said “Alec?”

“He’s still the same. We have to wait now. I’ll stay with him. Why don’t you go get a couple hours of sleep in my room. Who knows what tomorrow will bring and we all need to be as healthy as we can to fight.”

“Magnus, you need to rest more than me. You’ve completely exhausted yourself.” Isabelle said, as she got up off the floor and stretched.

Magnus replied, “I’ve already been away from him more than enough today. I can’t bear the thought of leaving his side right now. Waiting is the hardest part for me. So you can stay if you want, but I am staying as well. I’ll rest right here.

“Ok, I understand that. I will go sleep for just a few hours, then. Please get me if something changes” Izzy said as she straightened Alec’s shirt and draped a blanket over his legs. “Magnus?”

“I know, Izzy. I know. But you don’t need to say it. I’d do anything for him. Truth be told, I’d do anything for you. And what happens next, is what happens. We deal with it together.” Magnus forced himself to look away from Alec and look into Isabelle’s eyes as he said it. He was hoping that she could find some strength and calm there and take it for herself, even if he knew that he was only putting on a brave face for her sake.

After Izzy and Simon got settled for the night, Magnus let out a huge sigh. He downed the drink Simon had brought him, and settled his eyes back on Alec, hoping to not have to tear them away from him again. He finally allowed himself to stop and think about the events of the day. Magnus had been trying to be strong all day. He wanted to be strong for Alec, for Isabelle, for Simon, for himself. This had been one of the hardest days of his life, and it wasn’t even over yet. It wouldn’t be over until he saw gorgeous hazel eyes and heard that deep voice. Magnus had experienced countless amounts of loss and heartbreak in his long life. Most recently it had been the death of his oldest friend Ragnor. He was no stranger to grief and mourning. So he felt like he ought to have a better handle than he did on this situation with Alec. He felt like he shouldn’t be completely broken into pieces over a shadowhunter he had only known for a few weeks.

The heart, though, simply didn’t work that way, and Magnus knew that he had already been forever altered by this man. All sense and rationality seemed to go out the window the very moment he first saw that lopsided goofy grin. Alec was different. Alec made him feel like a lovesick kid again. Alec made him want to burn the world down if it would save him, no matter how irrational that was. The truth was Magnus didn’t care that he was so lost in feelings over this man. He didn’t mind that his heart felt like it was going to thump out of his chest every time Alec was in danger. He actually felt something real for once and he wasn’t going to let it go. So he stopped fighting and let the wave of exhaustion and worry wash over him. He let himself feel scared for Alec and grieve the possible loss of future possibilities together.

Magnus watched as Alec’s chest rose and fell in steady time under his own black shirt. He leaned closer to examine impossibly long eyelashes. He traced every angle of that beautiful face with his eyes, took in every detail and committed it to memory in case it was the last time he got to see it. When tears welled up and started rolling down his cheeks, he let them come. He reached out a shaky hand and placed it over Alec’s heart, feeling the strong steady rhythm. He leaned close and inhaled, taking in the familiar scent of him. With his other hand he brushed strands of black hair back off of Alec’s forehead, then lightly moved his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair and down to the nape of his neck. Magnus leaned in even closer and placed the softest, feather-light kiss on Alec’s lips, and he watched as his own tears pooled there in the cleft of his lip. Magnus’ voice was unbearably soft and tender as he said “Alexander. Please don’t leave me. I can’t breathe without you.” When Magnus couldn’t see through his tears anymore, he laid his head on Alec’s chest near the hand that was still over his heart, and with the other hand still woven in silky black hair, he cried and started counting heartbeats. All he had right now were those heartbeats.

Magnus woke up to an array of things hitting his senses at once. He was impossibly warm, for starters. His back ached like he had had a bad day at yoga, and his ear was filled with the sound of a steady thumping. Magnus opened his eyes a tiny bit and everything came rushing back to him. His mind was shocked out of warm comfort and brought back to the cold reality, that he had a very injured Alec in his apartment. Magnus blinked sleep from his eyes and untangled his hands from Alec’s shirt and hair. He moved to sit up and relieve some pressure on his back, when he realized that he couldn’t. He seemed to be locked in place. It took him a few seconds to piece together that he was locked in place to Alec’s chest by a very large and strong arm. Magnus blinked a couple more times trying to process what this meant. He frowned. He was sure Alec’s arms were tucked neatly at his sides last night when he fell asleep.

Magnus cleared his throat and questioned in a soft and gravely voice, “Alexander?”

When he didn’t immediately get a response, he moved to get up again, and this time he was absolutely sure that not only was Alec’s arm around him, but it was moving to hold him even tighter. Magnus tried to fight the warring emotions of hope and despair in his mind. _If Alec has control of his limbs, then why isn’t he answering me_ , he thought. He was trying to figure out what this all meant and he opened his mouth to call for Isabelle.

 

“How mad are you at me?” asked Alec.

Magnus heaved a huge sigh of relief and sunk back down onto Alec. He was so happy he could’ve cried. Alec was talking to him! Granted he sounded like he got put through hell and he could use all kinds of water, but his Alec was talking to him. Then his words registered in Magnus brain. He’s seriously asking if I’m mad at him right now? Magnus thought in disbelief.

“I feel like I shouldn’t let you up until I know how mad you are. It might be bad for my health”, Alec said with a stronger and more steady voice.

Magnus tried to form a response around the buzzing in his brain. “Well, considering you have already risked your health enough for one day, I think you should be safe” He made to get up again, still not quite believing that this was real. This time Alec let him go.

Magnus sat up and looked at Alec’s face, and into the most beautiful hazel eyes he had ever seen.

Alec said “I might be tempted to risk it again if it means I get to wake up to you all over me.”

“If you wanted me all over you then it was as simple as asking, Alexander. Risking your life didn’t need to be involved.”, Magnus teased. Behind his light tone he was experiencing a myriad of strong emotions. He studied Alec’s face, trying to decide exactly what to say to convey how he felt in this moment.

“Listen, I know that I don’t fully understand the parabatai bond. I know that you need to get him back, and that you’ll do anything to accomplish that. Anything, up to and including, putting your own life on the line multiple times. And I know..I know I have no right to ask this of you, but I’m going to do it anyway.” Magnus paused, waiting for a sign from Alec that he should continue. When Alec gave him a small nod, he continued “I would have helped you track Jace. I would do anything for you, but I won’t risk your life. I’m asking you not to risk your life either. You are too important, Alec. You are important to Isabelle, Max, Jace and to me. I know that this is all very new, but I can’t lose you before we’ve even had the chance to see what the future holds for us. So please, promise me that you won’t go on doing dangerous and reckless things. If you absolutely must do them, could you at least do it when I’m not out of the country, so that I can save you from yourself with minimal collateral damage?”

Alec considered this for a moment, and said “ok. I promise.”

Izzy, who must’ve heard Alec’s voice, rushed over to Alec and gave him a huge hug. Without letting go of her brother she said to Magnus, “Magnus, the Institute has officially put out an order for you to be found and brought in for questioning.”

“What exactly did you do, Magnus?’ Alec asked.

“You don’t want to know!” Magnus and Izzy said simultaneously.

“Oh, I just showed a few Shadowhunters that I am, in fact, quite magical. I’ll take care of it. Aldertree isn’t the only one with tricks up his sleeve, and no matter what happens we will all get through it together”, he said with a smile on his face.

Izzy responded, “Yes, we will. But, first I’m kicking your ass, Alec.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set Directly after s2e3: Parabatai Lost. Alec is brought back from near death, by his parabatai, Jace, only to see him being arrested and taken to the City of Bones. Alec has to recover from his ordeal with the help of Magnus, Clary, and Izzy. He discovers what happened while he was stuck being sleeping beauty, and what that means regarding how a certain someone feels about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter One was my reaction and hashing out all my feelings after Episode 2, and so this Chapter will follow the same format. 
> 
> This picks up right after Episode 3. Because I can't predict the episodes, my Chapters aren't going to match up to one another. I hope this isn't confusing for anyone. Think of each chapter as a Malec-centric bridge between the episode we just saw and the one we are going to see next. 
> 
> This one is from Alec's POV. I plan to switch back and forth between Magnus and Alec, but that may change depending on what we get in each episode. 
> 
> Thank You again to my lovely friend and beta @LadyMatt. She worked extra hard on this one. I still don't know what I did to deserve you, M.

Alec felt as though his arms and legs were encased in concrete. He watched as Magnus, Izzy, and Clary walked toward him, and tried to lift his heavy head off the chair. He made to plant his right foot on the floor, so that he could get some leverage to lift the rest of his body up, but gravity didn’t work in his favor. His whole leg went sliding off the chair and toward the ground. He waited for the feel of his heel hitting the carpet, but that feeling never came, as strong and steady hands had claimed his foot before it could meet the ground. He knew without looking that it was Magnus.

“I need to get up. Help me, please?” he said, barely recognizing his own soft voice.

Izzy put a hand on his chest and pushed him back into the chair. “Alec, you need to stay there until you get some strength back. You need to eat something, drink something. You were stuck in there for more than a day.”

“Jace. Jace needs me. I have to go help him.” He couldn’t believe that all of them were just standing here fussing over him while Jace was being hauled off to a cell in the City of Bones. Jace somehow managed to free himself from Valentine’s clutches and come back to pull him out of limbo. The least he could do was get up and go see what he could do to help him. If only his body and his sister would get on board with this plan. He didn’t move to get back up though, instead he blinked a couple times and took a few deep breaths, trying to clear his head. He remembered a training tool that he was taught when he was young to ground himself. The idea was that if you ever felt out of control or confused in the midst of battle, you picked one spot and stared at it. You looked at the shape and colors of it, named them in your head, and focused on the tiny details, so that you could calm down and center yourself. Alec looked up and the first thing he saw was Magnus, who was gently placing his leg back on his chair. He stared into Magnus’ eyes and went through the routine in his head, _circular, brown….no not brown..chocolate...a warm chocolate you wanted to get lost in. Black eyeliner...no, more of a slate color. No glitter today, that was unusual. Smudged makeup, also unusual, like it had been partially wiped off. And tired, Magnus’ eyes looked so tired_. Alec expanded his view and took in the rest of Magnus face, noticing the faint hint of a trail of tears. Then it all clicked together. The makeup was smudged , because Magnus had been crying.The cobwebs in his head cleared and were replaced with a sharp and jarring feeling of worry for Magnus.

“Magnus, are you ok?”

“Yes, oh yes. I’m ok. I’m glad you are back with us, that’s all. Izzy is right, Alec. You really must stay put. You need to rest. You can’t do anything for Jace at the moment anyway, and especially not in the state you are currently in. Can I move you to my bedroom, or the couch at least?

Alec started to protest, and then stopped. He knew they were right. He was bone tired and still trying to clear his thoughts. It wasn’t going to help Jace for him to go running off like this. He needed to get all the information, rest for a few hours, and fuel up. That was the smart thing to do in this situation. At least Jace wasn’t with Valentine anymore. How did Jace manage to get away from Valentine? And how did the Clave even know Jace was here at Magnus’ place?

“Izzy, I need some answers here. I uh, I have some blanks that I need filled in.”

“Of course, Alec. I’ll tell you whatever you need to know, but first let’s get you a drink and get you up and into a more comfortable place.”

“Ok, fine. I need to visit a bathroom anyway.” Alec stole a quick glance at Magnus, who was thankfully whispering something to Clary and hopefully not listening to what he was saying.

“Magnus, can you help me get him up?” Izzy asked.

Magnus quickly flitted over to the side of the chair and placed a strong, steady hand on Alec’s back and with the other hand he lifted Alec’s left arm up and placed it across his own shoulders.  
With Izzy on the other side, they helped Alec up and out of the chair. With great effort, Alec was able to swing his legs around and stand. Well _he_ didn’t exactly stand, Magnus pretty much did all the work. They got him upright and he heard Izzy ask “Magnus?”

“I’ve got him. Can you go to my room and turn down the bed?” Magnus snapped his fingers and said, “and I’ve sent some things to the bathroom. Can you move my things out of the way and make sure Alec has what he needs readily available?”

“Got it,” Izzy replied, and took off to Magnus’ room.

Alec took one tentative step and realized it wasn’t too hard to walk. Although, he suspected that it was because Magnus was holding him up almost entirely on his own. He let Magnus lead him, one step at a time. He focused on the feel of Magnus’ hand on his back, and marveled at how such a simple touch could make him feel so much comfort in the midst of it all.

“Well, you are doing better than I thought you would be,” Magnus said.

“Just because you are doing all the work, Magnus.”

“Not really, Alexander. You will be back to normal in no time at all.”

They went the rest of the way in silence, and when they got to Magnus’ bathroom Izzy was waiting there with his clothes and toiletries. Ok, this was embarrassing. He had to use the bathroom on his own. “Izzy, I’m fine. I’ve got it. I’ll take it from here.”

Alec didn’t miss the sly smile on her face as she said, “Maybe Magnus should help you at least?”

“NO! No, um, Magnus should not stay with me. I’ll be fine Izzy. Really.”

“Ok, well if you can walk from here to the sink by yourself, then I won’t force Magnus to stay.”

Alec glanced at Magnus, and saw that he was trying not to smile. He rolled his eyes. “Fine, Iz. Have it your way.” He was not going to be babysat in the bathroom. He was a grown man for goodness sakes. He walked slowly and steadily to the sink and hoped that Izzy didn’t notice that he was bracing himself with one hand on the countertop as he turned back around.

Magnus said, “I think you just need to eat to get some strength. How about we get you some food? Maybe Clary can take care of that for us. Would you like a drink? Water? Juice? Something stronger?”

“I wouldn’t say no to one of those drinks you make, but I could also use some water, if you don’t mind.”

“Coming right up. Izzy would you ask biscuit to help? I can’t magic too many more things here until I recharge. There’s an Italian place down the block. Just have her get something for everyone, if you would.”

“Alec, Magnus is going to be standing right outside this door the whole time. If you need anything at all you need to let us know. No more messing around. This is serious. I’m tired of you trying to be macho and giving us all a heart attack.”

Alec sighed, “Yes, Izzy.”, he waited until his sister walked away and turned to Magnus, “Magnus, she’s overreacting. You don’t have to stand here. I’ll be fine. Im sure you have other things to do.”

“Oh, no. I’m not getting my ass kicked by the tiny firecracker also. Besides, she’s right, and I’m fine. You’ve been through more than any of us, as of late, so how about trying to keep yourself in one-piece just for today.”

It didn’t escape Alec’s attention that Magnus’ sarcasm didn’t quite match the pain in his eyes. Not quite knowing what to say, he gave him just a hint of a smile and said, “ok, I’ll be fast. Thanks.”

Once Alec was shut in the bathroom, alone, he made quick work of getting cleaned up, opting to even take a shower. Luckily Magnus’ fancy shower had seats built into the tile. He could have spent hours in there. Magnus had magicked several different kinds of every toiletry item he might need, including a new toothbrush. There were clothes here that didn’t belong to him, but that we was sure would fit. He wondered if they were clothes from Magnus’ closet or if they were from a store. _I can’t believe I’m this weak,_ he thought as he slowly slipped on soft, gray lounge pants and a green henley shirt. By the time he got dressed, he felt like he might fall over from exhaustion. Still, at least he did it by himself and avoided the need to ask Magnus for help. He needed some food, and he regretted not using his nourishment rune earlier. _Where is my Stele?_ , he wondered.

Alec opened the door of the bathroom and found Magnus sitting there on the floor against the wall, twisting the rings on his fingers around and around. “Hey, I’m good, don’t get up.”

Magnus rose off the floor with all the ease and grace of a ballet dancer “Oh, I definitely need to get up, here just let me help you get over here to the bed. Is this ok? My bed? Would you rather be on the couch? Clary has some food for you over here on the table, but we can easily move it to the other room. Whatever you are most comfortable with.”

“Um…” Alec wasn’t quite sure how to say that he was fine with resting in Magnus’ bed.

As if he read Alec’s mind, Magnus said, “I won’t be using it anyway, trust me. I have too much to do at the moment, and anyway I’ve gotten quite good at napping in that chair,” Magnus said as he pointed to an old dark walnut armchair with deep green, velvet cushions.

“Yeah, ok. This is good if you really don’t mind. We don’t have to move anything this way,” Alec said as he made his way to the bed. The covers were already pulled back, and his stomach grumbled at the sight of a tray of food on the nightstand. He noticed that Magnus was hovering near him just in case he needed help, but he managed just fine. “I’m really, ok. You should rest too, I know you have to be tired. Have you eaten? Do you want some of this?”

“No, no. I’ll eat in my office. I’ve got to go make a few phone calls to reschedule some work appointments after I check on Izzy and Clary. The food is Spaghetti alla Puttanesca. I hope you like it. It’s from one of my favorite restaurants. Rum and coke in the glass, heavy on the coke. Also, your stele and phone are there next to the tray. I’ll be back to check on you a little later," Magnus said with a small smile before leaving him to his dinner.

Alec wanted to say something to Magnus before he went, but he just wasn’t sure how to express how he was feeling. He needed to talk to Izzy and find out exactly what had happened when he was lost in his bond with Jace.

He remembered bits and pieces. He knew Izzy and Magnus were there with him. He could feel Magnus’ magic and Izzy’s touch, faintly. He could even hear their voices, but they were muffled, as though he was submerged in water. Meanwhile, he kept getting pulled deeper into his bond with Jace and into the memories that they shared, only to then hear or feel something guiding him back to the surface. The effort it took for him to keep fighting was steadily draining his strength. Alec squeezed his eyes shut, trying to remember what he experienced while he was gone. He knew there was a part of him that wanted to go deeper into the parabatai bond, where it didn’t hurt and Jace was there. Yet, there was a part of him that wanted to fight his way back to the surface, and to the rest of the people he cared about. The biggest thing that kept him anchored to the real world was Magnus’ magic. Every time he felt like he was going to suffocate, he would get relief from Magnus’ magic. He would have stopped breathing if Magnus hadn’t been there. He was sure of it. How do you thank someone for doing something like that for you?

Alec was once again snapped out of his thoughts by the grumbling of his stomach. _Ok, I got it already. Food_. After practically inhaling his food, which was delicious, Alec ran his stele over a few runes, and then knocked back the drink. This one was pretty good. He’d have to remember and tell Magnus. He sank back into a mountain of plush pillows and looked around the room. It was so surreal to be here alone in Magnus’ room. It was drastically different from his own room back at the institute. Magnus had character and charm in every single inch of his space. All dark wood, deep colors, and rich textures. It was all very ‘Magnus’. He tried to read the spines of the books in the bookcase nearest to him. In the midst of wondering how many of these authors Magnus had known personally, Izzy came into the room.

“How are you feeling, now?”

“Better,” he said and then noticed Izzy was walking toward him pretty darn fast with a determined look on her face.

“OUCH, IZ!!! What the hell?! Why are you hitting me?”

“I told you I was going to kick your ass if you went too deep,” Izzy paused, like she was trying to find the words. “Alec, we lost you there for a few seconds. I was so scared.”

“I’m sorry. I just couldn’t sit there and do nothing when I had a way to bring Jace back.”

“I know, Alec, but watching you slip away like that? You don’t know how hard that was. I wasn’t sure you were going to make it back out, and if it weren’t for Magnus...for Jace, you wouldn’t be here right now.”

“I know, Iz. It was a stupid thing to do. Can you tell me what happened, though? The timeline is confusing me. You said I was out for 24 hours right? So what happened in that time that led to Jace showing up at Magnus’ place?”

“We were at the institute, and Aldertree let Magnus in to help you, but we knew that it was only so he could keep you alive and use your bond to find Jace and bring him in. We were also trying to find Jace, because Magnus knew we needed him for you to come back. Long story short, Clary was able to help Jace get away from Valentine, but they got separated afterward. She lied to Aldertree and told him she didn’t remember anything.”

“Wow, Clary breaking the rules? I’m shocked.”

“Yes, well in this case, Alec, her breaking the rules is part of the reason I still have both my brothers. So, maybe you shouldn’t be so hard on her.” Izzy walked over to the nightstand and picked up his Stele, handing it to him as she said “Let me draw a stamina rune, Alec. if you insist on hearing all of this right now. I don’t know how you are still awake.”

Alec sighed and let Izzy draw the rune on his arm. “Ok, so what happened to Jace after they got split up?”

"Jace was able to get to a phone and called us, and we told him that you were not going to make it if we didn’t get him to you quickly. Magnus said that his magic could only do so much. He was able to temporarily keep you from slipping completely away, but he couldn’t possibly do that forever, even in a scenario where Aldertree wasn’t trying to kick him out of the institute, and he had endless Magic. You weren’t going to make it that long. We knew Jace couldn’t come to the institute and that we would have to get you to another place to meet up with him. We had to come up with a plan. So we decided to sneak you out of the institute and bring you here. We could have Jace come here, and then get you back without Jace getting arrested in the process.”

“Pretty solid plan, “ Alec said as he took his Stele back from Izzy, “so what went wrong?”

“What went wrong is that Aldertree found out what we did. He knew Magnus had taken you somewhere, and he also informed us that Jace was being chased by wolves for Valentine’s crimes and would never make it to you in time. I had to make a deal with Aldertree to tell him where you were and let take him take Jace into custody if he helped me portal here to help Jace with the wolves. So to keep from losing both of my brothers I had to turn Jace over to the Clave. It’s my fault he’s in the City of Bones, Alec. It’s my fault,” Izzy said with tears in her eyes.

“No, Iz, it is not your fault. You were in an impossible situation and you had to do something. It’s a situation I never should have put you in in the first place. I’m sorry. We are going to get Jace out of there. The truth will come out, ok? Don’t worry about this. At least he’s safe now. We are going to fix it.”

Izzy wiped her tears away and sighed, “I still feel terrible. I want to do something. First, though, _you_ need to sleep.”

“Right, I am. Hey, uh, one more thing…..What did you mean when you said Aldertree was trying to kick Magnus out of the institute? I thought you said he let Magnus in to help.”

“Oh Alec, it was terrible. Magnus...he was with you every second, covering you with magic as much as he could, and working on potions to help you. He never left your side once the entire day and night. Aldertree called him your ‘warlock friend’ and told him that he was going to make him leave if his magic wasn’t achieving anything. Which of course is absurd, because he was the only thing keeping you from completely slipping away. On top of all of that, Raj chose a bad time to show him disrespect and Magnus reacted strongly, having been pushed too far. He would have done more if I hadn’t stopped him.”

“What?! Oh, no. I knew he was with me and covering me in magic, but I didn’t realize all of that was going on. What happened?”

“Well, Magnus kicked Raj’s ass and then we got you out of there.”

“Of course Magnus kicked his ass. He’s Magnus Bane. I meant what happened when Aldertree found out Magnus defended himself and hurt a Shadowhunter in the process.”

“Nothing, yet. We were all back here at the loft together until they came and got Jace, but I’m sure something is coming.”

“Why are we like this Izzy?”

“We?”, Izzy asked, confused.

“Shadowhunters. Why are we so prejudiced against downworlders that we would let one of our own die just for the opportunity to treat them terribly? This is not ok. I didn’t realize how deep this went.”

“I don’t know, Alec, but none of them considered Magnus’ feelings in any of it. They treated him as if he was there to do a job and not there because he was saving the life of a person he cares about. It was painful to watch. Magnus is so strong...I’ve never seen him so broken and desperate.”

Well now Alec really didn’t know what to say to Magnus. The man had stayed by his side non-stop for 24 hours. _24 hours!_ And had managed to singlehandedly keep him alive until Jace could make it to him, all while being harassed by the people around him. The fact that Magnus risked his High Warlock position and his reputation to stay by Alec’s side caused him to feel overwhelmed with emotion. He had to find a way to thank Magnus properly.

“Hello, Earth to Alec,” Izzy said, waving a hand in front of his face. “You are zoning out here brother. Go to sleep now. You need it. We can talk more when you wake up.”

“Ok, fine, but no more punching me.”

“No promises, big brother.”

Alec smiled at that and then laid his head back on the pillows. He absentmindedly noticed that the covers were all the way down by his knees, but he was too tired to pull them up over himself. He closed his eyes and started counting backward from 100, something he often did when he needed to turn his brain off and go to sleep. _100….99….98….97….96….95….94…._

Alec woke up to a feeling of warmth. He was hot, a little too hot, really. He opened his eyes and saw that someone had covered him up, with every blanket on Magnus’ bed, all the way up to his neck. He noticed two black boots on the bed near his legs. He followed them with his eyes until he saw a sleeping Magnus next to the bed in his green chair. Magnus was slumped down, with his feet propped up and one arm extended out onto the bed. Alec felt his left hand weighed down by something warm and soft. He lifted the covers to see that Magnus’ hand was placed on top of his with his fingers curled around into Alec’s palm. He stared down at warm bronze skin and cool metal rings, a beautiful contrast if he ever saw one. He looked back up at Magnus and noticed that he was wearing different clothes than the last time Alec saw him, and he had perfectly styled hair and makeup. His heart started beating a little too hard in his chest at the feeling and sight of waking up to a sleeping Magnus. A sleeping Magnus who was touching him. Alec took a few deep breaths to steady himself and looked around the room, trying to gauge the time. He leaned over with his right hand and gently picked up his cell phone to see what time it was, not daring to move the hand that was in Magus’ grasp. Clearing the endless alerts from his home screen, he saw that it was nine in the morning. How long had he been asleep? Six hours, maybe less? He really needed to get moving and see what he could do about Jace. He heard a knock and looked up as Clary walked into the room.

“Izzy thought you might like some coffee,” she whispered.

“Yeah, um, thanks. Listen, Clary. I’m...I’m sorry. Izzy said you got Jace away from Valentine, and I’m really grateful. I said some pretty mean things to you…...and...well, I’m sorry. She also said that you lied to Aldertree about not knowing where Jace was. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m really glad you broke the rules.”

Clary laughed softly at that last bit, “Alec, it’s ok. I can’t imagine how hard it’s been for you to not have him. What you said hurt me, but you weren’t entirely wrong. Ever since I’ve come into your lives it has been one disaster right after another, and it has been brought on by my mom’s lies, or my father.”

“Yeah, but Clary, it isn’t your fault what your parents have done. I should know that better than anyone. Look at my parents.”

“Look, Alec. We both care about Jace and Izzy. I can’t go anywhere else. So I’m going to try to not drive you crazy, because as much as we are both baffled by it, I am part of this world now, and I care about you guys.”

Alec gave her the faintest hint of a smile, “and I’ll try to not lash out at you so much.”

Magnus stirred in his chair and Alec looked over at him. “Hey, sorry if we woke you.”

Magnus blinked sleep from his eyes and cleared his throat, “No, I need to get up. I have too much work to do today.” Magnus said as he removed his hand from Alec’s and his feet from the bed far too soon for Alec’s liking.

“I need to get up, too. I have to get back to the institute.” Alec said

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay just a little longer? I could make you breakfast. I’ll even do it the mundane way. I’m a rather adept cook,” Magnus said with wink as he rose from the chair.

 

“Really, I’m ok. I’ve imposed on your life enough at this point. I need to get out of your way and let you get your work done.”

“Fine, have it your way, then,” Magnus said as he moved the chair back to it’s place. Alec stared at Magnus, once again trying to think of the right words to say, and he noticed that Magnus looked... _What is the look on Magnus’ face? Exasperation? Sadness?_ Alec was having a hard time reading him at the moment.

Clary interrupted, “I should go, and let you two talk.”

“Biscuit, I really must get to work. You stay and make sure _this one_ gets out of bed in one-piece,” he said, pointing at Alec. “Izzy brought some clothes from the institute. They are already in the bathroom. Make yourself at home. Come say goodbye before you leave,” Magnus said without meeting Alec’s eyes, and then he was gone.

Alec tried to decipher what had just happened. Did Magnus want him to stay? Was he upset that he was leaving? Or was he happy to be rid of him so that he could get back to his normal life? Something was definitely wrong.

“What just happened?” Alec asked out loud to himself as he got out of bed.

Clary answered his question, “Alec. It was really hard on them both when they almost lost you. They both love you so much, and neither Magnus or Izzy wants to see you walk out of their sight today. They probably want to keep you close by to remind themselves that you are alive and well.”

Alec stopped midway to the bathroom, and spun around.

“Clary, that’s crazy...I mean….I know Izzy loves me, but Magnus...he can’t...we haven’t even been on a real date yet,” Alec said as he shook his head, “Why am I talking to you about this, anyway? Nevermind....it’s just Magnus can’t possibly love me. So if Izzy can punch me and move on, then Magnus should be fine, right? I’m here now. I’m ok.”

“Alec, I know that your childhood was a lot different than mine, but for all her mistakes, my mom taught me that it was more important to show love through actions and not just words. I know that your parents aren’t the most expressive people when it comes to affection, but think about Magnus’ actions. He stayed by your side the whole time, trying everything to keep you alive despite the risks to himself. He was broken when we lost you for that moment and he’s terrified of losing you again. Love isn’t rational. It doesn’t work around time schedules and dinner dates. There isn’t a list with boxes to check off. Think about it Alec, and then tell me that Magnus doesn’t love you.”

Alec just stared at Clary, trying to process what she said to him. This girl was exhausting. Could she right, though?

“I’ve got to call and talk to Lydia about Jace. I’m really worried, and I’m hoping they will at least let us in to see him. I’ll let you know what I find out.” Clary said, and then turned and left the room, leaving Alec alone with his very loud thoughts.

Things came flooding back to him from when he was stuck in limbo. The bright, warm, buzzing sensation of blue magic. Magic that brought him back when he was slipping away. Magic that helped him breathe, so he could keep fighting, and tethered him to his body. He remembered words spoken to him. Muffled and far away, but still there, whispers in a soft and tender voice. “Come back. Please, come back”.....”I won’t leave”........”It’s ok, Alec. We are going to get you out of here, and bring you back”, the hint of tears on Magnus makeup-smudged eyes, something else....lips on his?? No, that couldn’t be real. He had to be dreaming that. Maybe his mind had been going to the time he kissed Magnus at the wedding. Alec’s heart felt like it was going to burst in his chest. He felt a little light-headed. Magnus loved him? So this was what it felt like to be loved and cared for in this way. He had to find Magnus and talk to him. He was such an idiot.

Alec rushed through his bathroom routine, throwing on clothes that he barely even saw. He was still putting on his boots when he rushed out of Magnus room.

“Izzy, where is Magnus?”

“He left for the institute. He didn’t want to rush you, but he couldn’t put off answering to Aldertree any longer. He said to tell you he would call and check up on you later.”

“No, no. That’s not going to work. I need to speak to him now. Let’s go.”

“Alec, what’s wrong?” Izzy asked, barely contained panic on her face.

“I’m fine Izzy. I’m just a moron. I need to talk to Magnus.”

Izzy looked at Clary, confused, and Clary said, “He just figured out that Magnus probably loves him.”

Izzy rolled her eyes, “Duh, Alec.”

“Well apparently I’m not as quick as you guys. Can we just go please? I want to talk to him before he goes in to see Aldertree.”

The three of them portaled back to the institute and Alec quickly left Izzy and Clary behind with his long legs and fast pace. He rounded the corning to the op center and spotted Magnus climbing the stairs.

“Magnus!” he said in the loudest voice he could manage without causing too much of a scene.

Magnus stopped in his tracks and turned around, already moving to make his way back down the stairs toward Alec. Alec was walking towards Magnus, when something in his peripheral caught his eye. He looked over and saw Raj standing there discussing images on a screen with another Shadowhunter. He changed course and went over to where he was.

“Alec! Hey, you’re back. Aldertr…..”

“Can I talk to you, privately?” Alec asked in a low voice, trying to reign in his anger.

Raj looked flustered for a brief moment before saying, “yeah. Let’s go over here.” Raj walked the short distance to a more empty section of the op center and turned around, “Listen, Al…..”

“No. Do. Not. Talk. To. Me. I just wanted to say that if you ever treat Magnus Bane with anything even resembling disrespect ever again, then you are going to get your ass kicked by two of us next time.” Alec said in a low, but intimidating voice, and then left Raj standing there as he turned to find Magnus. He looked up to see Magnus standing right in front of him with a bewildered expression on his face.

“Hi, um...I wanted to talk to you..I need to say something before you go in there. Can we go over here into the classroom for some privacy?” Alec said, taking Magnus’ elbow in his hand and leading him into the room.

 _Just say how you feel Alec. Stop overthinking it_. Alec took a deep, steadying breath and continued. “I wanted to say thank you, for saving my life. I feel like those words can never be enough to express to you how thankful I am. I felt you there. I felt your magic and heard your voice, and you kept me from slipping away until Jace got there. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. And then Izzy tells me how you were treated by my peers, and I just…..I’m sorry, Magnus. I’m sorry that you had to endure that on my behalf. I realize what it means that you chose to do that for me. All day I’ve been trying to express my gratitude, but I couldn’t come up with the right words. But, that’s the point, isn’t it? There aren’t any ‘right’ words for this kind of thing. There are only actions.”

Alec stared at Magnus, taking in the way his eyes lit up and crinkled from his smile, how soft, vulnerable and happy he looked in this moment. He did the only thing he could think to do. He closed the distance between them and hugged Magnus with everything he had, squeezing him tight, and when Magnus sank into him and rested his head on Alec’s shoulder, he kissed Magnus gently on the head. So this was what it felt like to be loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I did the thing. I dropped the L word. I have no regrets. I have thought about this long and hard, and I think Magnus 'King of Extra' Bane could totally love Alec already. I made a meta post justifying why I think this is appropriate on my Tumblr. It can be found [here](http://blj2007.tumblr.com/post/156130881046/malec-love) if you are interested in my ramblings.
> 
> Maybe you don't agree with me. Maybe I'm a melodramatic, hopeless romantic. Maybe I just love Alec Lightwood and think everyone else should love him too :)
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for reading. I look forward to your comments.
> 
> P.S. Alec's POV is more challenging for me than Magnus'. I hope I did him justice.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set Directly after Shadohunters s02e04-Day of Wrath
> 
> Magnus has just turned Camille over to the Clave to be held accountable for her actions. A demon got into the institute and possessed Alec, using his body to kill Jocelyn. Now that the immediate threat is over, these two men reflect on their day and deal with everything in their own way to move forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another Malec-centric bridge between episode 4 and episode 5. The sneak peek for episode 5 of Magnus and Alec was perfect, and I loved it. That being said, I did not include it here. I try to push the sneak peeks out of my brain as much as I can when writing these, because I don't want to spoil anything for anyone who has better self control than I do (basically everyone). There may be tiny glimpses of it, but those are unintentional, as it is hard to unsee something once you've seen it :) 
> 
> This one is shorter, because as you know, there wasn't much Malec in episode 4.
> 
> This one took me forever! This week has been super busy, and on top of that my brain keeps giving me plot for a new fic, which is not helpful in writing this one. Sorry for such a late Chapter update. At least I managed to get it up before the new episode!
> 
> My wonderful beta, @LadyMatt, truly saved this one for me! M ~ Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. ;)
> 
> As always, I can be found on Tumblr blj2007
> 
> I love comments, so please leave one if you feel inclined to do so!

Magnus stood there for a moment taking deep, steadying breaths. He couldn’t believe he’d had to do what he’d just done. Summoning Camille, trapping her, and sending her to Idris, was one of the hardest things he had done in his centuries of life. He wouldn’t have done it if he’d had any other choice. It came down to the fact that he simply couldn’t let Raphael pay for her sins, no matter how deep the waters of their relationship ran. As much as he didn’t like to think about it, Camille had played an important role in his life, and as much as she hurt him, he took no pleasure in hurting her. He would never let Raphael down the way Camille had let him down time after time. He simply couldn’t do that. Magnus was grateful for her pulling him off that ledge when he’d needed saving, but she couldn’t be his rock anymore, and he had to face that fact. He had to think of his own family now.

Magnus thought of Camille’s home in Agra, and all of the mementos of their past that he found when he took Simon there. It was astounding how far back their history really went. Shaking his head, Magnus busied himself with things around the loft to keep his mind off of Camille until Raphael and Simon came back. It wouldn’t take them long to find out that he hadn’t really needed anything from Catarina. He pulled his phone out of his pocket to see if he had missed anything while he was busy battling his own demons. He had gotten a text message from Alec earlier in the day letting him know that the demon they were hunting was particularly nasty, and that he wouldn’t be able to go out for dinner any time soon. _The one drawback of dating a beautiful, demon hunting archer,_ Magnus thought as he scrolled through his messages.

When he didn’t see any updates from Alec, he pondered whether or not it was a good idea to message him and ask how things were going. He didn’t want to distract him at a crucial time, just for sake of quelling his own anxiety. Magnus was still trying to decide if he should reach out to Alec, when he heard a soft knock on the door. Already knowing who it was, he opened it with his magic as he went to greet Raphael.

“Magnus, what did you do? Catarina wasn’t even home. I know you didn’t just send me on a wild goose chase for nothing. If you didn’t want to help me, you could have just said so.”

“Camille is in Idris,” Magnus said softly, “So you see, there’s no longer anything for you to be worried about, my boy.”

Raphael reached a hand out and rested it on Magnus’ shoulder, saying “You did that by yourself? I could have helped you. You shouldn’t have had to do it alone.”

“Raphael, yes, I _should_ have done it alone. I had to and so I did. It’s done now. Nothing to worry about. Where is Simon?” Magnus changed the subject as he walked over to pour them both a drink.

“He got a call from the redhead. Something about a demon in the Institute. He went to help…..at the institute….where he isn’t even allowed to be. Stupid fledgling.”

Magnus tried to conceal the horror he felt as he asked, “Is someone hurt at the institute, Raphael? How long ago was this?”

Raphael looked unconcerned, which only frustrated Magnus more. “I don’t know. Maybe an hour ago. It was before we got to Catarina’s. I don’t get involved in Shadowhunter business, I have more than enough trouble keeping everything in line with my own clan.”

Magnus wasn’t even listening anymore. He had his phone out and was texting Simon the moment “an hour ago” had reached his ears.

**Simon. What is going on? Who’s hurt? Alec? Can I help?**

Magnus paced the floor while he waited for a reply, trying to control his emotions. Raphael just stood there with his drink, looking displeased.

“Raph, you can go. I’ll be fine. Really.”

“Fine, but don’t let the damn Shadowhunters make your day any worse than it already is. Adios,” and with that he was gone.

 _Maybe he should portal to the institute just in case they need him,_ he thought as he resumed his pacing. Magnus was so keyed up that he nearly dropped his phone when it buzzed in his hand.

**Oh, Magnus. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help with Camille. Can’t leave Clary. The demon got into the institute. Several people dead including Jocelyn.**

As he fought to contain his panic, Magnus’ mind was racing with all of the possible terrible scenarios, making it difficult to organize his thoughts. _Several dead! Several?!? Who else had died?_ Then, _Oh, no, Jocelyn. Biscuit just got her back. This is horrible._ Third, _Answer my fucking question about Alexander before I lose my mind._

He tried to text Simon asking him to answer about Alec, but he couldn’t get magic to stop seeping through his fingertips long enough to type. _Damnit! He was going to short out his cell phone. AGAIN. He had to get a grip._

Magnus had just pulled up a portal, when his phone buzzed again. Focusing his magic on the portal with one hand helped him to be able to swipe his text alert with the other one.

**Demon used possession here to kill people. Alec is safe, but Demon Alec killed Jocelyn. Demon Izzy tried to kill Alec, but Clary stopped her, and then finally was able to kill the demon. Mass chaos here Magnus. But Aldertree is back...with Jace. I don’t know how long I’ll be. So sorry about Camille again. Can you have Raphael call my mom and tell her I had a surprise gig pop up? I missed dinner again. Clary needs me.**

It took every ounce of willpower in Magnus’ body to close the portal and not go through it to Alec’s side. He told himself that with Jace back, Alec would have all the protection and support that he needed right now. He ached for Clary, and he wondered which other Shadowhunter families were missing a loved one because of this day from hell. The demon was gone, the threat extinguished and, for now at least, Alec was safe. So why did he feel so absolutely panicked still? He knew the answer. _Demon Alec killed Jocelyn._ There was no doubt in his mind that Alec was going to be suffering and blaming himself because of what had happened. He would be feeling like he needed to do something to help Clary, and there would be nothing that could be done. He would feel responsible for something he had no control over, which was Alec’s way. He was the very example of a soldier, leader, and protector, and that was what they did.

However upset Alec was, Magnus knew that it was only a drop in the ocean compared to Clary’s pain from losing her mother. And Clary saving Alec, and killing the demon while grieving for her mother? She was becoming a soldier too. He also worried about Izzy, who would be mortified at almost hurting Alec. The entire situation was simply awful for everyone involved. How had he gotten so entangled in the lives of these Shadowhunters? He knew how, of course. It’s amazing the ripple effect one person could have on your life. Magnus wondered again if he should go there and offer help, maybe even just sit by Alec’s side for comfort, but in the end he decided to stay put. There was nothing he could do there, and he knew that Alec probably wanted to be alone, or that if he wanted to be near anyone it would be Izzy or Jace. Magnus always tried to make Alec aware that he was here for him, and so he could only hope he would reach out if he needed help, instead of pushing him away.

Magnus took his drink and walked to his bathroom, deciding that a shower might cleanse him of his feelings of guilt, as well as release some of the tension from his body. He undressed and threw his clothes on the floor, not even bothering to walk over to the hamper. Magnus stood motionless beneath the steaming water for quite a while, head back, letting it cascade over him. He tried to shut all anxious thoughts from his mind, the worry for Alec, the grief for Clary, the sadness over the events with Camille. He replaced them with Shakespeare’s sonnets, repeating them slowly over and over in his head. When the water started losing it’s heat, he washed off quickly, shampooed his hair, rinsed, dried off, and then walked to his bedroom in search of clothes. Magnus put on the first comfortable thing he found in his massive wardrobe, left his feet bare, and quickly tried to style his still damp hair with his fingers as he went in search of food. He got as far as his living room when he stopped dead in his tracks and turned his attention to the entryway. He was frozen, staring at a big black boot attached to a long, darkly clad leg that he would have known anywhere. Magnus dropped his hand from his hair, took a few steps toward his front door and slowly peered around the wall until he could see all of Alec.

He was sitting on the floor, against Magnus’ front door, with his his left leg extended out and his right leg bent, arms locked around it. He was resting his cheek on his knee, facing Magnus, and had his eyes closed. Alec looked impossibly small for a man whose leg took up most of his entry. Magnus could see blood and bruising on his hand from where he was standing.

Magnus’s relief at seeing Alec here and in one piece was quickly replaced with misery at seeing Alec in so much pain. He closed most of the distance between them and sat cross-legged on the floor facing Alec. Not too close, but close enough that he could touch him if he needed to.

Alec didn’t move a muscle for several minutes, just sat there slowly breathing in and out. Magnus matched his breathing to Alec’s to give himself something to focus on, so he wouldn’t give in to the temptation to reach out and comfort Alec. After a few minutes, he watched as Alec’s eyes slowly opened and traveled over him, from head to toe.

“I’ve never seen your feet before,” he said in a whisper.

Magnus pushed down the chuckle that rose in his throat, “Well now you have. First time for everything, Alexander,” and he watched as Alec’s eyes roamed over his face and hair. He knew what he would be seeing...taking in the makeup free face, the unstyled soft hair, and the lack of jewelry. His painted nails the only remnant of his usual glamorous self. He waited for Alec to say something about how different he looked, and was surprised when he simply relaxed his head back against the door, not saying anything.

Magnus decided not to speak, letting the comfortable silence between them give Alec a moment of peace. He didn’t want to make Alec feel like he had to say anything. He was content to sit here with him all night long, if that was what he needed.

Magnus was surprised when he heard, “I’m sorry I didn’t text you back, I’m sure you were worried. Everything happened so fast.”

“Simon texted me. I knew you were safe,” Magnus said, not expanding on the fact that he had been very worried even though he knew Alec was physically safe.

“It’s kinda my thing now, to show up here unannounced,” he said without even the hint of a smile on his face.

“You are _always_ welcome here, Alexander.”

“I can’t be there right now, Magnus. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do,” Alec said, voice cracking.

“I understand. Do you want to come in? I was getting ready to make something to eat. Are you hungry?”

“Yes, but I’m not hungry, even though I probably should be.”

Magnus didn’t say anything as he rose gracefully from the floor and offered Alec his hand, which he accepted.

Magnus reluctantly let go of Alec’s hand once they reached the kitchen. He went to work, making them both a hot ham and cheese sandwich, and sliced up some fruit. He would’ve preferred something a little more exotic, but he figured he would keep it simple and light, so that Alec might actually eat something. He could have easily have magicked them some food, but he wanted to keep himself busy so that his thoughts wouldn’t wonder to Camille, and figured a mundane routine might soothe Alec at the same time. Every once in awhile, he would glance over at Alec, who was sitting there at his island, lost in thought, rubbing his good hand over his injured one. Neither one of them appeared to feel like talking, and Magnus was ok with that. Sometimes it was nice just sharing space with someone.

“What would you like to drink?” he asked.

Alec snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Magnus, “Oh, just water, please. I can get it.”

Magnus pushed aside the warm feeling in his chest at the sight of watching Alec help himself to the contents of his fridge, the domesticity of the scene causing his throat to tighten.

They sat and ate in silence for a few moments. Alec inhaling his sandwich, for someone who said they really weren’t hungry. It made Magnus happy that he could at least help with this one thing.

Alec’s phone chirped, and he visibly braced himself before he pulled it out to look at it. He read a message and looked up at Magnus, asking, “You helped capture Camille?”

Magnus suddenly lost his appetite at the mention of Camille. He dropped his sandwich back down on his plate, “Yes, I did.”

“Wow, why didn’t you say anything about it?”

“I don’t really know what to say about it, Alec. It was a very difficult thing for me, but it had to be done nonetheless. I don’t feel great having done it.”

Alec looked at him for a long moment before saying, “Magnus, I understand that well.”

“I know you do.” Magnus said as he reached across the table and offered his hand to Alec, palm up.

He wasn’t sure Alec would accept his gesture, but he felt relieved when he placed his injured hand in Magnus’s palm, then looked up at him with pain and regret in his eyes.

“May I heal it for you?” Magnus asked in a soft voice. He braced himself for another rejection, but he had to ask.

Alec simply nodded his head and said, “I couldn’t bear to do it myself. I feel guilty about being fine while…...”

When he didn’t finish his sentence, Magnus said, “I understand that better than you know, Alec, but let me take care of it anyway, ok? And I know that you know this already, but I’m going to say it out loud just to remind you. What happened is not your fault.”

Alec didn’t say anything, but watched as Magnus waved his hand over his, spreading warmth and blue magic. When the wound had been healed and Alec still hadn’t removed his hand, Magnus asked, “Want to watch a movie? You can pick. I could use a distraction right now and I think you could too.”

Alec closed his hand around Magnus’ and stood from the table, leading Magnus over to the couch. Alec sat down first all the way on the far end, giving him the rest of the couch to his right. Magnus was glad that he was still holding Alec’s hand, because it gave him a good excuse to sit close to him, despite all the room on his side. With a little bit of magic, he brought the remote controls for the tv and the ottoman over within reach.

“What do you want to watch?” he asked.

“I don’t care, you pick.”

Magnus thought for a moment and then scrolled through his digital movies, selecting the first one he saw that wouldn’t be emotionally taxing for either of them. He tucked his bare feet up and behind him on the couch, and leaned into Alec the tiniest bit, testing to see how he would feel about it. When Alec let go of his hand, he was upset for the smallest moment, until he put his arm around Magnus and pulled him closer.

Magnus smiled and said, “Lift your feet,” and when Alec did, Magnus snapped his fingers and the ottoman was suddenly under his boots. “Shoes?” he asked.

“I don’t want to move.”

“No problem, I can take care of it,” Magnus said, gauging Alec’s reaction. When he got a small smile in return, he snapped his fingers again and Alec’s boots were suddenly gone.

The movie started playing and Magnus leaned into Alec, resting his head on his shoulder and taking in the scent of him. He was absolutely sure he could have stayed just like this for the rest of his immortal life.

“What movie is this?” Alec asked, baffled, watching the animated scene that was playing on the screen.

Magnus chuckled softly, “It’s Shrek. Have you not seen this with Max? Very endearing, It’s quite funny, actually. The donkey is my favorite.”

“Well we’ve never watched very much tv, so I haven’t seen it. But I have to say, this is a surprising choice, from you.”

“Do you want me to change it?”

“No, no. It’s fine. Let’s see why this donkey is so funny,” Alec replied as he began slowly tracing circles on Magnus arm with his fingers.

Magnus briefly closed his eyes, afraid to move or speak. He wasn’t used to displays of affection from very many people, let alone Alec, and he didn’t want to do anything to break the spell.

Alec must’ve felt him still, because he asked, “Are you comfortable? Here, how’s this?” as he grabbed the pillow to his left and put it on his lap, inviting Magnus to lay his head on it.

Magnus wasted no time taking Alec up on that invitation, scooting his body down the couch and laying his head in Alec’s lap. As soon as his head hit the pillow, his soft, unstyled hair flopped in his face. Reaching up to push it out of his eyes, he felt Alec’s hand already there, brushing it back for him. He lowered his hand as his heart started beating fast. When Alec’s fingers continued, running softly through his hair, Magnus closed his eyes and focused on the fire burning bright inside his chest.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set directly after s02e05: Dust and Shadows
> 
> After Jocelyn's Rite of Passage Ceremony, the events of the day come crashing down on Alec. He can't seem to get a handle on things, so he seeks comfort from his magical safe haven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning*- Panic Attack. 
> 
> Another Malec-centric bridge between episode 5 and 6. I don't know about you guys, but I am DYING for this date episode. The little bit of Malec in the past few episodes has left me wanting more.
> 
> Sorry to get this one up so late! My distracted writer brain has been all over the place this week.
> 
> As always, spoiler-free :)
> 
> Thanks to my lovely and talented beta @LadyMatt. Her way with words makes my job a million times easier. M- ILY, Okay?
> 
> As always, comments are the best, so please feel free to leave one, and I can be found on Tumblr blj2007  
> where I'll be losing my mind over the Malec date.

Alec left the Rite of Passage Ceremony the moment it was over. Before slipping out of the room, he caught Jace’s eye and pointed toward the door. Jace nodded at him, and he walked back to his room as fast as he could, trying not to draw attention to himself. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, as if the collar of his shirt was tightening around his throat. He hated white clothes, and he needed to get out of them, quickly. Remarkable, how the lightest color was so heavily associated with the darkness of death.

Once he was shut alone in his room, Alec took off his suit jacket and threw it on the bed. He grabbed the back of the nearest chair and leaned on it, hanging his head low. His breathing only got more shallow as he replayed the events of the day in his head. Clary and Jace’s mom was gone forever. Clary had been drugged and almost violated by a demon in their quest to try and bring Jocelyn back from the dead. A dark magic warlock had used the lives of women and children in a twisted bid to create more soldiers against Valentine. And the little warlock girl? Alec’s heart ached for her. If Izzy and Jace hadn’t got there, who knows what would have happened to Clary. Once again, Alec found that he couldn’t save anyone.

 _Why can’t I breathe?_ , he thought, his fingers fumbling with the buttons on his shirt and not getting anywhere. He finally gave up and slumped down in the chair. He focused on taking deep breaths and tried to clear his head, so he wouldn’t have a panic attack. It wasn’t working. Alec looked down to examine his tingling hand and saw blood. Dark red blood coated his hand and crept up his forearm. It dripped off the cuff of his shirt. Alec squeezed his eyes shut. _No. no. no. This can’t be real. This already happened. How had he let this happen?!_ He was suddenly hot and dizzy, his breathing labored, panic exploding through his chest. He was in serious danger of passing out.

With his eyes still closed, Alec reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. _Open your eyes. It isn’t real._ He forced himself to look at his phone. Quickly pulling up his recent contacts and finding the one he needed, Alec hit the call button and tried to find his voice.

“Alexander?” Magnus answered, after just one ring.

“Mag…..I...I can’t breathe,” Alec choked out breathlessly.

“Where are you?” Magnus asked.

“At...the institute...my room,” Alec replied as well as he could, and hoped Magnus had been able to hear him.

“Stay there. I’m coming.”

When Magnus ended the call, Alec dropped his phone and bent over, put his head on his knees and attempted to control his breathing.  
Mere seconds later, Alec heard the portal open in his room. He looked up to see Magnus, but then everything wobbled in his vision. He squeezed his eyes shut again, feeling sick.

“Hey, it’s alright. I’m here.” Alec heard Magnus say, and felt a hand on the back of his neck. The warm skin and cool rings pressed lightly into the skin there. He opened his eyes and lifted his gaze.

Magnus was crouching on the floor in front of him, with his left hand resting on Alec’s neck and his right hand suspended in mid air between them, like he was waiting to see if he needed to use his magic.

“Alexander, what happened? Are you hurt?” Magnus asked in a soft but clear voice.

“No. Panic attack. I think...I…” Alec couldn’t get any more out. The world tilted again.

“Don’t talk. Let’s focus on something steady. Here…..” Alec felt Magnus grab his left hand from where it was resting on his knee. He watched as it was slid under necklaces and placed on Magnus chest, over his heart, before being covered with his own.

“Focus on the beats. Concentrate on feeling each one against your hand.” Alec looked up into Magnus’ eyes and nodded, then watched as his boyfriend leaned into him even more, so close now that he could feel each of his breaths on his face.

Alec closed his eyes again, shut everything else out, and focused on the feeling of each beat of Magnus’ heart beneath his palm. He regained a little more calm with each strong thump. He heard Magnus whisper, “Good. Now take slow, deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth. Match mine.” Magnus started breathing in deeply through his nose and then out through his mouth, just as he said, and Alec could feel those breaths on his chin and neck.

It took him a few minutes, but Alec was able to calm his erratic breathing and match Magnus’ steady ones.

Feeling much more in control, he opened his eyes again, to see Magnus watching him intently. “I need to get out of these clothes. White is the color of death. I need to get them off. I was trying to do it, but I couldn’t.”

Magnus removed the hand that was over Alec’s, and then the one at his neck and asked, “May I?”

Alec quickly answered, “Yes. Please.”

Magnus started undoing the buttons of his dress shirt with deft fingers. Alec made no move to remove the hand resting over Magnus’ heart, even when it caused Magnus to have to work around it to keep undoing buttons.

“Alec, the institute’s security system will have detected the portal. Someone is going to be here soon to investigate. I need to go back to my place. I can’t be here when they arrive.”

“Take me with you,” Alec answered in such a strong voice, that he surprised even himself.

“Of course. Clothes?” Magnus asked, as he gently removed Alec’s hand from his chest and went to work on the buttons at his cuffs.

“My closet is over there. Anything is fine.” Alec watched as Magnus stood up and went to get his clothes. He wasted no time ditching the white dress shirt now that it was loose. His pants were next. He unbuckled his belt and slid them off, leaving them on the floor. He felt so much better just being out of those clothes. Seeing that Magnus had pulled a shirt off a hanger, he removed his white undershirt in one smooth motion and held his hand out for the new one.

The institute alarm went off and Alec froze. He heard urgent voices out in the corridor and knew that they were close to figuring out where the portal had opened. He and Magnus only had a few seconds to get out of here. He looked at Magnus, “We have to go!”

“Yes, we do,” Magnus said as he thrust Alec’s clothing into his outstretched hand.

He watched as Magnus brought up a portal with his now free hands, and then wasted no time following him into it.

He stepped out into Magnus’ loft and immediately felt the cool air on his skin. Here he was standing in Magnus’ living room in only his boxer briefs and socks, holding a bundle of dark fabric. _Ok. Yeah..I didn’t think this through_ , he thought as he looked up at Magnus.

Magnus was standing there with his fingers pressed against his lips, trying to hide his smile. Alec watched as he raked his eyes over him from head to toe and back again, and raised his eyebrows high.

“Don’t say it.” Alec said with a smirk.

“Hmmm? What?” Magnus asked, dropping his hand, while attempting to look innocent.

“I’m just going to..uhhh...I’m gonna go put these on. Can I use your bathroom?” Alec asked awkwardly. Sure, Magnus had seen him shirtless many times at this point, but there was something about seeing someone in their underwear that was very intimate.

“Make yourself at home, and if you want to you can always remove those last three items of clothing and take a shower. If you feel so inclined,” Magnus said with a barely contained smile.

Alec sighed, dropped his chin to his chest, and started shaking his head slowly. He had walked right into that one. Would he ever understand how this man could make him feel shy and nervous, despite all the turmoil? He truly was quite magical.

A shower did sound nice, though. In a bold move for him, Alec threw the clothes he was holding in Magnus’ direction, said “Fine, I think I will,” and spun around toward the bathroom. He didn’t look back to see if Magnus had caught his clothes, or to see the no doubt hilarious expression on his face. If he had, then Magnus would have noticed the blush creeping up on his cheeks, and he’d prefer to not embarrass himself any further.

Alec could not believe he had just done that. The lack of oxygen combined with the adrenaline must be making him feel braver today. He spent most of his time in the shower looking through the multitude of Magnus’ toiletries. Reading the descriptions on the bottles and deciding what to use helped take his mind off of the difficult events of the day.

It wasn’t until he had turned the water off in Magnus’ fancy shower that it hit him. _Shit!_ How in the hell was he going to get dressed if Magnus had his clothes?! _Oh boy. Here we go_. Ok, The giant fluffy towel he had taken out of Magnus linen closet before his shower would definitely cover more of him than his boxers did anyway, right? Alec exited the shower, wrapped the towel around his waist and opened the door to Magnus’ bedroom. He immediately saw a stack of neatly folded black clothing on the bed. When he went over to pick them up, he noticed a note on top.

**Alexander,**

**Because I think both of our hearts have had enough excitement for the day….**

**But please keep in mind….**

**The next time you throw your clothes at me--you might not get them back ; )**

**I’ll be in my office.**  


**M**

Alec looked at the note for longer than necessary, studying Magnus’ handwriting, and that silly winky face. He got dressed, folded up the note, and put it in his pocket. Then he found some hair gel back in the bathroom and ran his fingers through his wild locks, before going in search of Magnus.

Magnus was exactly where he said he would be. Alec leaned against the doorway of the office and took him in. He was sitting at his desk, chair leaned back and feet propped up on the corner near his lamp. He had a book in his lap and a pen in his left hand. He was twisting the rings on his right fingers, and it struck Alec that he probably wasn’t even aware he was doing that. Alec stood there quietly for a few minutes thinking about the fact that this loft was becoming more of a home to him than the institute. He felt so comfortable here. So at home with Magnus.

“You can come in, you know.” Magnus said, making it clear that he knew Alec was watching. Of course he had known.

Alec cleared his throat, shaking off thoughts of domesticity with Magnus. “I don’t want to disturb you. You look busy.” he said, but moved farther into the office anyway.

“Nonsense. I’m just researching some ingredients for a particularly tricky potion I have to make for a client. It’s nothing I can’t do later.” Magnus closed the book and placed it and the pen on top of his desk. He swung around in his chair and planted his feet on the floor.

“You look like you feel better. Can I get you anything?” Magnus asked, his eyes studying Alec’s face.

“I do, thanks. And I’m good. Just really tired. Could I lie down here?” Alec gestured to the couch in the center of the room.

When he got a nod from Magnus, he stretched his long frame out on the small couch. Since he was considerably taller than the furniture, he bent his knees over the arm of it and let his feet dangle. By the time he laid his head down, Magnus had magicked a pillow there for him. Alec folded his hands across his stomach and closed his eyes.

He listened to the soft sound of Magnus feet on the rug and then felt something brush his elbow. He peeked briefly with one eye to see that Magnus was sitting on the floor next to him.

“Want to talk about it, or do you want to sleep now?” Magnus asked quietly.

“Sleep is for people who don’t have a hundred problems to deal with, ” Alec replied.

“And venting is for people who do. Tell me,” Magnus said, as he rested his head back against Alec’s arm.

Alec filled Magnus in on the events of the day. When he got to the part about Iris and the warlock child he noticed that Magnus clenched his jaw and had the tiniest bit of orange magic coming from his fingertips.

He didn’t like upsetting Magnus, but he had to admit that it felt really good to get all of it off his chest.

“……….and that’s when I started panicking. I couldn’t breathe and you were the only person I wanted to see.”

“So let me get this straight. Iris used magic to throw you into the ceiling? Is that what you just told me?!”

“Yes, that’s pretty much what happened.”

Magnus jumped up and started pacing around his office.

“Oh, Alec. I knew that biscuit didn’t get the answer she wanted from me this morning, but I never thought she would resort to something that extreme. I gave her the best advice I could, Alec, and I’m sorry she got the two of you into such a nasty situation. Why didn’t you call me to ask about Iris if you were suspicious of her? Your instincts were telling you something was wrong, and I could have backed you up.” Magnus stopped pacing and looked at Alec, waiting on an answer.

“I needed to do whatever it took to help Clary. She was going to do it anyway, and I wanted to have her back and protect her, except I couldn’t even manage to do that. If Jace and Izzy hadn’t gotten there, who knows what would have happened to Clary,” Alec thought for a moment before adding, “I guess I didn’t want to bother you, Magnus. We are always calling you to fix things, and I figured you needed a break after all that happened with Camille.”

“You _should_ have called me, Alexander. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to help you.”

Alec took in the soft expression on Magnus face, “You would have insisted on coming with us.”

“Indeed, I would have.” Magnus replied.

Alec sat up on the couch, “I didn’t want you to have to fight my battles for me, Magnus.”

“Your battle _are_ my battles. And do you really think I’m not going to deal with that vile woman, Alec?”

“Well, I guess you have to, being the High Warlock, because of all the terrible things she’s doing.”

Magnus sighed, “Yes, of course. Those poor women and children don’t deserve what’s happening to them. And yes, that is a large part of why I have to take care of her, but it isn’t all of it. I am having a hard time not leaving right in the middle of this conversation to go find her and teach her a lesson for harming you.”

Of course Magnus would be having a hard time with Alec getting hurt again. That seemed to be a common theme lately, and he was suddenly feeling bad for causing Magnus to worry, yet again. Alec got up and walked over to him.

“Magnus, I’m sorry. You’re right. I should have called you to get info on Iris. At least then I would have known what I was walking into.” Alec took Magnus’ hands in his own.

“You should have. What good are centuries of power and influence if they aren’t used to protect those I care about? And actually, you wouldn’t have walked into anything if you had told me your plans. I would have let that woman know in no uncertain terms that she had better stay far away from you and Clary. She wouldn’t have let you in the door for fear of risking my wrath.” Magnus said with pride and confidence.

“Wow. Are you that scary?” Alec asked with a crooked smile.

“Yes, I can be that scary. You have yet to see that side of me, Alexander. You could ask Raj to explain it to you, if you are curious,” Magnus said with a serious face.

“Ok. How about this? Will my super scary boyfriend let me help him unleash his wrath at least? I really want to help Madzie.”

“Madzie?” Magnus asked, confused.

“The little girl at Iris’ house. The one with the cool gills,” Alec answered with a smile, thinking of Madzie and how she had protected him. He realized he’d forgotten to tell Magnus about what she did, and was getting ready to do just that, when Magnus suddenly silenced him with a finger to his lips, whispering, “Tell me later.” He felt his hips being pulled closer, and Alec forgot how to breath for the second time that day as Magnus leaned forward and kissed him softly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set directly after episode s2e6 of Shadowhunters: Iron Sisters
> 
> Magnus and Alec's first date gets interrupted at a very inconvenient time by Jace. He needs a place to stay. Magnus is pissed. Alec is mortified. What is going on with poor Jace? How interesting will it be trying to have romance with him around?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Malec-centric bridge between episodes 6 and 7.
> 
> You would think for as much Malec as we got in the last episode and how short this is, that I would have gotten it done on schedule. Alas, here it is just in time. I had a rough writing week. Hoping next week will be much better. I cannot wait to freak out with all of you after the episode tonight!
> 
> As always, beta'd by the incomparable @LadyMatt. She won't let me give her co-author credit, even though she totally deserves it. I had lots of help with the words. M, one of these days I am going to fly halfway across the world and give you the worlds biggest cwtch.
> 
> Leave me comments if you feel so inspired. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Chat with me on tumblr blj2007

* * *

 

Magnus was pissed! He had been right in the middle of an intimate moment with Alec when Jace walked in his front door without knocking….with a bag…..and asked to use his spare room. He could still feel Alec’s lips on his, could still hear his heavy breathing and raspy voice, so Jace’s timing could NOT have been worse. Magnus had just been about to lean in and resume their kiss. So while Magnus was all for helping people, he was frustrated that they couldn’t seem to get time alone together. Honestly, at this point he was beginning to wonder why he didn’t just install a revolving door at his loft. He leaned into Alec and whispered, “How mad will you be if I kill him?” Of course he was joking, but it made him feel a little better to say it.

He realized that Alec hadn’t responded to his attempt at humor and studied his boyfriend. Alec seemed to be in a small state of shock, his eyes wide and frozen. Magnus grabbed his wrist, “Alec?” When hazel eyes met his, he continued, “Do you want to take Jace into my office and talk?”

He watched as Alec snapped out of his stupor and replied, “Um, no, He’s here at your place, so it must be to see you. I didn’t even tell anyone I was going to be here,” Alec looked at his brother, “Right, Jace?”

When Jace nodded in reply, Magnus, surprised to learn that Alec must’ve wanted uninterrupted time with him too, turned to Jace and asked, “What’s going on?”

Jace met his eyes, and told him, “I can’t stay at the institute. Aldertree doesn’t want me there and he’s making my life hell. He told me to leave or he would turn everyone against me. Can I stay here? I know it’s a lot to ask, but I don’t really have anywhere else to go.”

Magnus sighed deeply. As if he could refuse Alec’s parabatai a place to stay? “Of course. I’ll go get the guest room ready.”

Magnus walked off toward his seldom used second bedroom. He had learned his lesson about forgetting to put the wards up, if nothing else. What an inconvenient moment for Jace to walk in on them. Actually, Magnus wondered if the wards would even keep Jace out, when they were set up to let Alec in, seeing as how they shared part of their souls. After all, this was the second time that Jace had just walked in his house. Magnus would have to do an experiment on that later, to test his theory.

He busied himself tidying up around the guest room. It had become a place to store all of the things he didn’t have a place for over the years. Magnus tried to be productive, clearing the floor space, but thoughts of his date with Alexander kept washing over him. He never ceased to be amazed by his boyfriend, and Alec’s words about not caring about his exes reverberated in his head.

Their date had started out great, but had quickly turned awkward. He regretted ever bringing up the subject of past relationships and shining a light on their differences. He truly had not realized the extent of Alec’s inexperience, and then after Alec asked him about how many people he had been with, things quickly unravelled. Magnus wasn’t ashamed of who he was, but he could tell that Alec was unsettled by it. Just as Magnus didn’t think that Alec’s innocence was a bad thing, he just needed a minute to get used to it.

Alec hardly spoke to Magnus the rest of the night and when he did he’d seemed defeated. So once they had gotten back home, and Alec had used that apologetic tone to say his name, he just knew that this had all been too much. That _he_ was finally getting to be too much to handle. He braced himself for Alec to end things, before they’d had the chance to even begin. He was left without a single thing to say when Alec went to leave. A million buried words begged to be brought to the surface, but he was almost resigned to being hurt again. He hadn’t been able to argue with Alec’s logic. They _were_ very different, and who was he to tell Alec that their differences didn’t matter when they already had so many issues to deal with? Then, Alec had turned around and chosen him. Again. Now his heart was overflowing with hope.

Snapping himself out of his thoughts, he waved magic over the bed, replacing the sheets and blankets with new ones. All his life, Magnus had taken in people who needed a home or a family, but this was new territory, even for him. Sometimes life was just so bizarre. How had he become so embroiled in the lives of these Shadowhunters? Actually, the fact that he had a Shadowhunter boyfriend was a perfect example of how life had changed since he saw Alec at Pandemonium.

Magnus finished making the room as comfortable as he could for Jace, and took a last look to make sure it was ok. Drumming his fingers together, Magnus knew he was procrastinating and resolved to go find out just how long he might need to stay.

He went in search of Alec and Jace, and when he rounded the corner to his office, his step faltered. They were sitting next to each other on the couch, Jace leaning forward with his hands clasped and his elbows on his knees. Alec had his hand on Jace’s shoulder and concern was etched on his face. Magnus felt like he was intruding on a private moment, and was already stepping back, when Jace looked up and nodded at him.

Magnus stepped further into the room and went to the couch to sit on the other side of Jace.

Alec leaned around and peered at Magnus behind Jace’s back. He gave him a pointed look that was equal parts bewildered and frustrated, and shook his head slowly.

“Well I’m going to go lay down. I’m really tired and I just want to sleep this day off,” Jace said, rising from the couch and scooping up his bag.

Magnus looked from Jace to Alec and back again, trying to figure out what was going on. Jace wasn’t making eye contact with anyone, and Alec was glaring at Jace intensely the way he often did when perplexed, with one eye squinted and his head slightly cocked to the side.

Magnus decided to break the tension,and stood, sweeping a dramatic arm before him: “Your bed awaits!” They strode ahead with Alec following reluctantly behind. “Here’s the guest room. I think you’ll have everything you need. The bathroom is over there. It’s all yours, because I have my own. Help yourself to anything in the kitchen, and if you need anything else, just let me know. Maybe knock first though.” Magnus made a little knocking gesture with his hand to prove his point.

Jace simply nodded at him, said “Thanks, again,” and disappeared into the room, shutting the door behind him.

Magnus turned around to see Alec standing there with his hands on his hips, looking like he wasn’t quite sure what to do next.

“Magnus, thank you, for letting him stay. I don’t know what is going on. He won’t really tell me anything. Just some nonsense about being on weapon cleaning duty, which isn’t fun, but not a reason to leave your home. I don’t understand why Aldertree would bring him back from the City of Bones only to throw him out. It doesn’t make any sense, and I feel like he isn’t giving me all of the information. I’ll get to the bottom of it, though, so we can get him back to the institute.” Alec shut his eyes for a brief moment, and took a deep breath, before closing some of the distance between them and grabbing Magnus hand, rubbing circles on it with his thumb.

“Do you need to get to the bottom of it right now?” Magnus asked him, smiling at the display of affection.

“Well, I don’t think we were done with our date yet. Were we?”

“We weren’t done?” Magnus grinned slyly.

“Did it feel that way to you? Because I thought we were having a conversation about effort,” Alec intertwined their fingers and Magnus looked down at their hands, suddenly finding it a little harder to think.

Magnus whispered, “I’m all for effort.”

Alec whispered back, “So I hear.”

Magnus really wanted to continue this, but knew that Alec would be hesitant with Jace in such close proximity. “Would you like to continue our efforts on the balcony, with the doors closed, just in case Jace decides to go in search of food?”

“No…..But if you add closing the curtains to that, then I’m in, ” Alec said, a lopsided smile on his face.

“You have a deal,” Magnus turned and led them through the doors to the balcony. He reluctantly dropped Alec’s hand, so that he could turn the balcony into a private space. With a flourish, he shut the doors with one fluid wave of magic, and closed the curtains with another, before turning back to look at his date.

Alec was leaning back against the balcony, with the Manhattan skyline behind him. “Show off,” he said, clearly trying not to smile.

“Why, thank you, Alexander. If you think that’s impressive, you should see my pool skills. I recently beat a handsome fellow with absolutely no magic at all, but these fair hands,” Magnus said, before taking slow, deliberate steps towards Alec, while wiggling his elegant fingers in the air. He stopped a few feet from him and waited for his competitive boyfriend’s retort.

He watched as Alec pursed his lips, and fixed Magnus with an intense stare. He knew this game well, as they had been communicating through long looks since the moment they met. He tilted his head up, parted his lips, and blinked slowly, waiting for Alec to make his move.

Alec didn’t budge, except to say, “Your cuing action certainly seemed to improve, all of a sudden.”

Magnus gave him a feral smile and closed the remaining distance between them. Placing his right hand on the back of Alec’s neck, he said, “Well, my dear Alexander, it’s all about having a good grip, and applying the right amount of force,” before pulling him slowly down toward him.

He wasn’t sure who initiated the kiss, or where his body ended and Alec’s began, only that their lips crashed together like they were magnetic, their bodies pressed together from head to toe. He barely registered Alec’s hand on the small of his back, pressing them closer still. Finally alone, and free to explore each other, surely this was a perfect end to a first date.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set directly after s2e7: How Are Thou Fallen
> 
> Magnus wanted this moment, and if he was being honest with himself, he had even dreamt of this moment many times. He had imagined their first time together when he was alone in the quiet moments of the night. With a drink in his hand and his body stretched out in the bath after a long day, he would think about possible passionate moments with Alexander. So, why was his conscience in the way right now? Here was the man he adored, plastered to him, and telling him that he wanted to take this very important next step in their relationship. Why couldn’t Magnus turn his brain off and stop overthinking things this time? The ache in his chest that was worried about losing Alec refused to be ignored, and he felt overwhelmed with his warring emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another malec-centric bridge for you between episodes.
> 
> So, this one I was very passionate about, but I also felt a lot of responsibility to get it right and make sure it was true to the characters we love so much. I know there are mixed feelings about the last episode of the show. I personally was uncomfortable with the last few seconds of Malec, but I also believe pretty strongly that it was intentionally left on a cliffhanger, and that we could get to see something like this on Monday night/Tuesday. I have many reasons for this, but I won't bore you with those here. I have plenty of respectful discourse on my Tumblr about it if you care to read. 
> 
> I avoid spoilers at all costs, only watching the promo that airs right after the episodes, so this is spoiler free. 
> 
> Thank You to my incredible friend and beta @LadyMatt. My life and my words would be so much less beautiful without you, M. I'm thankful for you more with each passing day. Okay? 
> 
> As always, I can be found on Tumblr blj2007
> 
> I love comments, so please leave one if you feel inclined to do so!

* * *

 

Magnus’ head was spinning. He was lost in Alec’s lips and the hungry look in his eyes. He could feel Alec’s long fingers working to unbutton his shirt. Part of him wanted to remove his hands from Alec’s waist and use them to make quick work of getting out of his shirt, and just leave their clothes in a pile on the floor.

Alec deepened their kiss, continuing to walk him further into his bedroom. Magnus kissed him back earnestly, and it was becoming increasingly difficult for him to think about anything other than his body on Alec’s.

Magnus wanted this moment, and if he was being honest with himself, he had even dreamt of this moment many times. He had imagined their first time together when he was alone in the quiet moments of the night. With a drink in his hand and his body stretched out in the bath after a long day, he would think about possible passionate moments with Alexander. So, why was his conscience in the way right now? Here was the man he adored, plastered to him, and telling him that he wanted to take this very important next step in their relationship. Why couldn’t Magnus turn his brain off and stop overthinking things this time? The ache in his chest that was worried about losing Alec refused to be ignored, and he felt overwhelmed with his warring emotions.

If it was just his vulnerability that was giving him pause, then he may have been able to believe Alec’s words, telling him he had nothing to worry about. But that wasn’t all that didn’t feel quite right here. Alec seemed to be running on pure adrenaline, like a man on a mission that could not fail. This was not something to be rushed or seen as a mere formality that would be bridged at some point in the future anyway. It was a deeply emotional connection with very real consequences. He felt like Alec was being too hasty, and he didn’t want their first time together to be under those circumstances. He wanted it to be slow, romantic, and beautiful. Alec didn’t understand that sometimes having sex with someone changed things between them. How could he? And Magnus didn’t want a rush of blood to the head to jeopardize the course he was on with Alec right now.

When Alec was finished with the buttons on Magnus shirt, he moved both hands down and slipped them under the the hem of it, placing both palms flat on Magnus’ stomach. Magnus listened as Alec’s breaths got even more shallow and erratic from the skin on skin contact. He broke the kiss off to steady himself, placing his head on Alec’s shoulder. His lips were drawn to Alec’s neck, and he placed a kiss there. One that was intended to be quick and sweet to slow things down, but that clearly didn’t go as planned. _Ok, maybe not the best idea, Magnus._

In response, Alec moaned deeply in his ear and moved his hands to undo his belt. That heady sound and Alec working on the front of his pants nearly sent all rational thoughts out of his mind and had him completely lost in sensation. When he felt the back of his legs hit the bed, he was finally able to get his wits about him. That action made the direction of things very clear and snapped him out of his lust-filled fog. _What will happen after? What if it’s too soon and he regrets it? What if you lose him? Slow this down!_

He raised his head from Alec’s neck and whispered, “Alec.” He meant for his voice to sound much more steady and strong, but a whisper was all he could manage at that moment.

“Magnus,” Alec countered in the raspy way he always spoke in the middle of their kisses.

 _Ok, this isn’t helping. Definitely not._ He tried again in a firmer voice, “Alexander, listen, we should slow down.” To emphasize his point, Magnus pushed Alec back slightly with his hands, and knew he had gotten his attention when long fingers disappeared from under his waistband.

“Who knows when Jace will be back, Magnus? We’ll do ‘slow’ later. I just want to do this.” Alec looked up into his eyes.

Magnus took in his boyfriend’s parted lips and his beautiful eyes, blown wide, and knew without a doubt that he loved this man beyond all thought or reason. He was very sure that stopping was the right choice at the moment, but he had never in his life wanted something so badly. He wanted to build a life with this man, to be with him forever, and so he knew that their first time needed to be perfect, because he couldn’t stand the thought of it being anything other than that. He couldn’t face the risk of losing any part of the heaven that was Alexander Lightwood. There would be plenty of opportunities to come for fast, adrenaline-fueled encounters, but the first time was not going to be one of them.

“Alec, there’s no need to rush this, ok? We don’t have to hurry through this while Jace is gone. I don’t want it to be this way,” Magnus affectionately rubbed the back of his fingers down Alec’s jaw line.

“Magnus, I’m fine. I’m ready,” Alec said, leaning in to Magnus touch.

“I can see that. But, this doesn’t feel like the right time to me, Alec. Sex...it..it can change things. What if we do this now and things aren’t the same after.” Magnus brushed strands of Alec’s hair back off his forehead.

“I don’t understand. I want this, and I know my feelings about you aren’t going to change just because we do this,” Alec shook his head, his brow furrowing in confusion.

“You don’t know that. I don’t know that. And it isn’t ‘just because’ Alec. It’s a big deal. A big step.” Magnus twisted the rings on his fingers, trying to find the right words.

“Such a big step that you don’t even want to take it with me, right?! Magnus, if you don’t want me then you can just say so. I know I have no idea what I’m doing, and maybe that’s not exciting for someone as confident as you, but I’m not a kid who doesn’t know what he wants.”

Magnus frowned as he listened, watching as Alec started walking backwards, putting distance between them, and his heart sank.

“Alexander, there is no universe and no time, where I will not want you. I told you that it doesn’t matter to me that you haven’t been with anyone. That’s not it,” Magnus said, taking a cautious step towards his boyfriend, he used his hands to emphasize the point. “This isn’t about it being YOUR first time, It’s about it being OUR first time. We can do it when the moment feels right and not forced. We can take our time.”

He watched as Alec shook his head in total disbelief, his cheeks turning pink in embarrassment, Magnus tipped his head back with an exasperated sigh, as he scrambled for the right words to say. He didn’t know how to express to Alec the depth of his feelings, because truly they hadn’t been together very long. He didn’t know what else he could say to make Alec see that he wanted this but was scared to death of it. He didn’t want to scare him away. When Alec turned away from him and hung his head low, Magnus choked up. _No. No. No_. This couldn’t be happening. He knew Alec was inexperienced, but surely he realized that sex was a big step and it was worth waiting until the right moment for both of them?

“Alexan…” Magnus began, but was cut off when Alec whirled around. His breath caught at the angry look on his face.

“Ok, I got it Magnus. You don’t want to take this any further, because you figure that I’m not ready? And you also think that I’m incapable of knowing my own mind, even after I asked you to not treat me any differently than anyone else. I hear you. Loud and clear!” he snapped. Then he turned abruptly and walked out the door.

And just like that, Magnus was left alone in his bedroom with tears in his eyes and an ache in his heart. He felt like his knees were going to give out from under him, so he dropped to his bed, laying down. When he heard his front door slam, he slowly curled himself into a ball before covering his eyes with a forearm and let his tears flow.

 

* * *

 

Alec slammed Magnus’ door behind him. He walked as fast as his legs would move him without actually running. He hurried down the hallway and the flights of stairs in Magnus’ building. He didn’t stop until he was three blocks away, and that’s when it all hit him. Leaning against a random building, he managed to pull out his stele and activate his invisibility rune. If he was going to lose his shit in public, then at least he could prevent everyone from seeing it.

Feelings of hurt and humiliation bubbled up inside him. _Idiot!? How could I be so blind?_ Magnus was perfect, and experienced, and amazing, why in the world would he want to have sex with someone so inexperienced?! He should have expected this, seen it coming. _Shouldn’t he have known?_ Problem was, he had taken Izzy’s words about not overthinking this too literally and hadn’t wanted to let negative thoughts prevent him from accomplishing his goal. So no. He hadn’t seen this coming. When Magnus started kissing him back, he forgot all his words about being vulnerable and worried about losing him. Or had he ever really heard them in the first place?  
_Damnit!_ He needed to get a handle on this. Magnus didn’t say he didn’t want to have sex with him _at all._ He said that he didn’t want to _right now_. And that he didn’t want to rush through it. Problem was that Alec had absolutely no idea when the right time was. Wasn’t it when your _body_ told you it was? He cared about Magnus and really felt like he wanted to take this next step, but now Magnus was telling him that what was in his mind wasn’t correct. How could that be? And how could he ever put himself out there again and risk being rejected?

Alec decided to take the slow, public transport way back to the institute to be alone with his thoughts. What in the hell had Magnus meant about the consequences of having sex? This was what people in relationships did, right? How could it ever make him leave Magnus? He couldn’t fathom ever wanting to be away from Magnus. He wanted him more than he had ever wanted anything in his life. He thought everything was finally falling into place for him, that all of his desires were finally within his reach. Apparently he was wrong.

Alec was rounding the corner to the institute when he saw them. Jace and Izzy were standing outside near the greenhouse steps, Izzy holding a bag in her hand out to Jace. Alec didn’t want to see or talk to anyone right now. He wanted to go to his room and hide for a week or two. He considered turning around and going around to the front entrance, when Izzy spotted him and yelled “Alec!”.

 _Fine. Whatever._ _Dealing with people it is,_ he thought as he picked up the pace to hopefully breeze by them with a quick nod. When he got closer to his siblings he noticed Izzy smiling at him, and realized what she was probably thinking he had been doing with his last few hours. _No such luck, Izzy_. Her smile sent him over the edge from irritated to angry and he couldn’t get inside quick enough.

“How’s Magnus?” she smirked.

“Not good. _Great advice_ Izzy!” he said and walked right past both of them on his way to the door. He took the stairs two at a time and was surprised when a hand reached out and grabbed his arm at the top.

“Alec, what’s going on?” Jace questioned.

“Not now, Jace. What are you doing here anyway?” Alec shrugged out of his grasp and kept walking toward the institute, not even bothering to wait for Jace’s answer.

“Izzy got me some stuff from my room. Come on, Alec, you know I can’t go in there. Please just stop and talk to me. What happened with Magnus?”

Alec stopped, but didn’t turn around. He couldn’t look at Jace right now. He knew his parabatai was feeling his overwhelming emotions and he couldn’t look him in the face for fear he would lose it.

“You can go in there, Jace. But instead, you are choosing not to face your problems,” Alec huffed out.

“Oh, you mean like what you are doing right now, Alec? I can feel everything you’re feeling. So you may as well talk to me.”

“Jace, please stop. I can’t talk about _this_ with you.” Alec pleaded.

“You can talk to me about anything. I can help you.” Jace reassured his parabatai.

Alec turned around and moved closer to Jace, because no matter how out of his mind he was at the moment, he wasn’t going to talk loudly on the lawn about his sex life, or lack thereof. “You can’t help me with this. You have no idea how this feels, Jace. Your whole life, if you’ve wanted something you just had to simply reach out and grab it. You date who you want, you have sex with who you want. Fine. Great. Easy. Well my life isn’t like that. You can just hook up with some random seelie in a house that you don’t even live in. Meanwhile, I try to have sex with my _boyfriend_ after years of suppressing who I am and what I want, and what do I get? I get rejected. So yeah, I don’t think you know how _this_ feels!” Alec could feel the blush creeping up on his cheeks the moment he finished his unexpected rant, but he couldn’t help it.

“Wait, what? Magnus rejected you? Are you kidding, Alec? He’s crazy about you! I’ve literally walked in on you guys making out twice in two days. That makes no sense.” Jace responded incredulously.

“Well make sense or not, that’s what happened, so yeah. I’m going to my room. Let me know when you are ready to get back to work. I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere.” Alec trudged up the steps to the institute and disappeared inside before Jace could say anything else. He already missed his safe space and his magical boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this one was hard. I cried writing Magnus' part and my heart ached at leaving it on a bad note with Alec. I've never done that before with a chapter, but I must stay true to the characters, and regardless of what the show gives us for episode 8, I believe that this is what is most likely to happen from where episode 7 left off. I'm really interested and excited to see what the show gives us!I could be completely wrong of course and they really end up having sex, and well in that case I'll be even more glad that I wrote this fic to be honest. I know this is a point of contention, and I really hope that I did this in a way that people can understand. Even if you don't agree that this is what happened after the show, then you can at least see how I can feel this way.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set directly after s2e8: Love Is A Devil
> 
>  
> 
> The morning after scene we should have gotten in episode eight. Complete with cat eyes and funny Jace interactions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one breaks form. Normally I give you something from the end of the episode into what might possibly happen in the next one. This time it's the missing scene from the beginning of the episode. :)
> 
> So Yeah, Shadowhunters did the thing we really hoped they wouldn't do and they cut off our Malec first-time scene with no soft after scene. I've written my take on what I thought was going to happen in the last chapter, which was those two not having sex yet. Apparently they did, as we deduced from the convo between Jace and Magnus on the show. Still bitter about it, to be honest. So here is the scene I think we should have gotten after their first time. 
> 
> Thank You to my amazing friend and beta @LadyMatt I love you more than pickles---the cucumber ones, and definitely the onion ones too.
> 
> As always, I can be found on Tumblr @blj2007
> 
> I love comments, so please leave one if you feel inclined to do so!

* * *

 

Magnus didn’t even try to hide the smile on his face as he watched Alec look up at him from under his eyelashes. “Come on. Do it again. One more time,” Alec whispered.

Magnus had done _it_ about ten times in the last hour, and he couldn’t believe that he had somehow found the one person on Earth who was this fascinated by his warlock mark. Most people were afraid of his eyes, or revolted. There had been a few over the years who’d told him they had been a turn on, but never had he gotten this reaction to them. Then again, Alec Lightwood had a habit of surprising him. He couldn’t deny Alec anything, especially after the night they spent together, so he moved his face closer and showed him his eyes again, this time leaving them like that as he hooked his leg around Alec’s and scooted him even closer.

They were lying on their sides in Magnus’ bed, facing each other, and they were both still naked from the night and the morning they had spent together, covered from the waist down with only a blanket. He had never seen Alec like this before, all wild bedhead and morning scruff, and he decided that he loved this look on him. It made him never want to leave his bed. He ran his hand from Alec’s neck all they way down his back and rested his hand on his hip. When Alec shivered, he asked, “Are you cold?” as he used magic to lift the blankets up to their shoulders.

“No, cold is NOT what I am feeling,” he murmured, before going back to the subject of Magnus’ eyes. “Is it uncomfortable to keep the glamour up? Can you see as well?” Alec asked him.

Magus had to think for a moment about that, because in all his years, he had never been asked such a question. “Well, it isn’t uncomfortable, but it does feel different, otherwise I would never know if my glamour was up or down. And as far as my vision, I suppose it is better in the dark with it down, but I think my overall vision is probably better than most people’s in general.”

“Fascinating. I wish I could compare your night vision to mine with my rune activated, to see which one is better,” Alec said.

Magnus laughed, “Always so competitive. I don’t know how you and Jace both made it out of your childhoods alive with all that-”

He was cut off when Alec leaned forward, closing the distance between them, and kissed him. It was a tender kiss, sweet and lazy, and his heart swelled, as he returned the kiss, pouring every ounce of emotion he could into it.

Alec pulled away too soon, having suddenly thought of something, and groaned, “Jace….”

“What about him?” Magnus’ brow furrowed in confusion.

“Well, he was gone, when we...but he must’ve come back last night at some point, and I don’t remember hearing the door...and what if...Oh, God.” Alec suddenly looked as though he had seen a ghost.

Magnus quickly caught up to Alec’s train of thought. He was worried that Jace had come home and heard them last night. What Alec didn’t know, was that while he was completely lost to sensation, Magnus had felt the wards ripple, locked his bedroom door, and cast a soundproofing spell on his room. He was sure that Jace would be able to sense that Alec was here through his parabatai bond, providing he wasn’t too drunk, but he wouldn’t have been able to hear anything. He hadn’t mentioned this to Alec, because he was completely gone at the time, in the middle of what Magnus was sure was the most intense orgasm anyone had experienced. He didn’t want to ruin the moment. Then, he was lost in one of his own, and all thoughts of Jace being in the loft were quickly forgotten.

“Shhh, don’t worry about that. I soundproofed this room when I felt him come in,” Magnus reassured him.

“He came back? How did I not hear that. Just…..how?’ Alec’s face flushed pink.

“Darling, you were very distracted, and it’s exceptionally hard to think coherent thoughts in the middle of an orgasm, so I just took care of it. There was no reason to upset you.” Magnus smiled devilishly at him.

Alec groaned and buried his face in his arm, and he was once again amazed at how his bold, confident boyfriend, could be a shy, blushing mess at times.

Magnus laughed softly, and ran his fingers through Alec’s dark hair, as if he could massage the embarrassment away for him. They went on like that for a few minutes, Alec breathing evenly into his arm, while Magnus rubbed his scalp with expert fingers.

“Did you fall asleep?” Magnus checked.

“I wish I could, but I’m going to have to get going soon. We have a mandatory meeting at the institute this morning, and I don’t think they will accept ‘sleeping in with your boyfriend’ as an excuse to miss it.” Alec finally looked up at him with a lopsided smile.

Magnus was intending to return his smile, but he suddenly felt on the verge of tears, so he swallowed his emotions down as best he could and studied Alec’s face.

A long finger reached out and brushed away a tear that he wasn’t even aware had spilled over. “Hey, Magnus. What’s wrong. What did I say?”

“Nothing is _wrong._ Exactly the opposite, actually. It’s just hearing you say that, ‘Boyfriend’. It’s been a long time since anyone called me theirs. I could easily get used to it.”

“You should get used to it. I’m not going anywhere. I meant that. I’m here.” Alec rubbed his hand in soothing circles on his back, then kissed the spot where his tear had been. Magnus really didn’t know what he did to deserve this man, but he found himself overwhelmed with the depth of his feelings for him.

He allowed himself a moment to soak it all in, before he relented, “We have to get up now, you know. I’ll go make some coffee.” and then he was up and walking into his closet to get dressed. He knew that Alec would feel vulnerable being up and around the room naked in front of him, so he made the decision to give him a moment of privacy. He came back out dressed in a pair of comfortable pants and a silk tunic, and he looked over Alec, who was lounging in his bed, arms behind his head, with one long leg partly sticking out from under the blanket. He shook his head, mumbling to himself, “yes, I need some coffee. Maybe a cold shower too.”

He snapped his fingers, placing two stacks of clothes near Alec. “One is your clean clothes from yesterday. One is a set of comfortable clothes from my closet that I think will fit you. The choice is yours. As always, my bathroom is all yours. I’ll be in the kitchen. Any requests for breakfast, dear?”

Alec considered for a moment, and said “You know that bakery down the block? They have the best bear claws. I don’t suppose you could, you know…” he wiggled his fingers by way of explanation.

“Oh, yes. Anything for you. I’m very good with my fingers,” Magnus said with a wink, and went off to make coffee, just barely aware of Alec’s breathless “Thank you.”

Once he left the quiet of his room, he was immediately hit with sounds. The TV was playing, some martial arts fight, very loudly with nobody watching it. He followed the sound of his blender to the kitchen, where Jace was making what appeared to be a smoothie. Magnus’ eyes landed on a bottle of vodka sitting on the counter, and thought, _nope, scratch that. Mixed drink._ Jace was making a mixed drink at seven o’clock in the morning. He cocked an eyebrow at the blonde morning-drinker in question.

“Hair of the dog, and all that,” he yelled over the blender. “I can’t handle alcohol in the morning, but I need to get rid of this hangover, so I thought I’d mix it with some fruit, and see what happens.”

Magnus gave him an amused smile, feeling way too loose and free to even be a little annoyed at the antics of his houseguest. “Jace, you know I can take care of the headache for you, if you would like.”

“Well, uhhh, I assumed you guys were busy, and I didn’t want to ask.” Jace looked at him sheepishly.

 _What is going on with Jace today?_ He was usually so brazen and didn’t care what anyone thought of him, so Magnus was a little taken back by the look on his face that didn’t quite match the racket he was making so early in the morning.

Then it hit him. Of course. Jace knew Alec was here, and so he was doing a little bit of sound masking of his own. Except he didn’t have magic to do it, so he was improvising.

“Well, we _were_ busy, but we aren’t _now_. Jace, you know that I have soundproofing magic, right?” Magnus smirked as he turned off the tv, and Jace finally stopped the blender.

“Ahhh, no, I didn’t know that, but that’s good. I’m glad.” Jace sighed, “Also if you could get rid of this headache it would prevent me from killing someone today. I feel like shit and the feelings of peace and love in this loft right now are making me want to puke.”

Magnus pursed his lips to keep from laughing. “Seems I can block sounds, but I can’t block parabatai emotions. I’d say sorry, but I’m not sorry. Not even a little.”

Jace groaned at that, “For fuck’s sake Magnus, I knew it was going to happen sometime, and I’m happy for you guys, but this isn’t a good time for me to be hit with a huge wave of ecstasy.”

Magnus moved closer to Jace, pressing two fingers on his left temple, and sent a wave of magic, just enough to ease the pain in his head. “Or, that’s maybe exactly what you need right now, residual happiness. Maybe you should let it in, instead of pushing everyone away.” Magnus gave him a very pointed look.

Jace visibly relaxed, “Thanks for the hangover cure, but I’m doing just fine, and it seems Alec is too, so everything is just peachy.”

“I’m here if you ever want to talk about all the ways you know that isn’t true,” Magnus said, but he dropped the subject, and busied himself making coffee.

 

* * *

 

 

As appealing as the thought of wearing Magnus’ clothes was, Alec decided it was best to get dressed in his own clothes if he was going to make his eight o’clock meeting. He was fresh out of the shower, and smelling like Magnus, and even though he was sore in places that he didn’t even know were possible, he was blissfully happy. The kind of happiness he had never known. So when he walked out into the hall and nearly ran right into Jace, he was in too good of a mood to be contrite.

“Hey. You headed to the institute?” Jace asked.

“Yes, I am. _You_ should too, ” he replied with a determined look in his eyes.

“No, I shouldn’t and you know that. But, you know where to find me if you need me. Probably go take a nap, since all that racket you guys made last night kept me awake,” Jace lied.

“Actually, no it didn’t, because Magnus took care of that, but nice try. Maybe he needs to put some of that magic on your room too, since we’ve been interrupted by giggling girls way too many times this week.” He refused to be teased about this by Jace. He loved his brother, but he was being a royal pain in the ass, and completely shirking his responsibilities.

“Dude, I am kidding. Jeez. I don’t know what I was expecting from you losing your V card, but it wasn’t your usual salt king routine.” Jace made a grumpy face, mocking him.

“Wait, what, how do you….” Alec started. If Jace couldn’t hear them, then how did he know? Sure, it was easy to assume something had happened, with him coming out of Magnus’ room in the morning, but still, the way Jace said it with such certainty gave him pause.

“Parabatai bond, buddy. Think about it. Can’t you feel my emotions with things like that too?” Jace asked incredulously.

‘Well, yeah. I can tell that you are generally happy, but it could be due to anything, and I usually try to block thoughts out of you doing...that.” Alec could not believe he was having this conversation with Jace right here in Magnus’ hallway.

“I get that, but this isn’t general happiness. This is different. It’s hard to describe, but I just know you did it. It feels like a rubberband snapped, and now I have access to this whole other side of you that didn’t exist before. It’s kind of overwhelming, to be honest.”

“Uhhhh, sorry,” Alec couldn’t believe he felt bad, but he did, just a little. He was embarrassed that not only did Jace know he had taken things to the next level with Magnus, but that he also probably figured out that Alec had closed off any romantic thoughts or feelings from him intentionally.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m happy for you. I am. I just need to get used to filtering some of it out, like you do with me. I haven’t had to do that.” Jace looked down, and shuffled his feet back and forth like he wasn’t quite sure what to say. “Gonna go take that nap. Call if you need me. You know where I’ll be.” and then he went off to his room.

Alec was still shaking his head, trying to clear it, when he walked into the kitchen and saw Magnus sitting on the counter with a bear claw in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.

“Hey,” he said, walking over to him. A smile easily returning to his face, and his conversation with Jace already forgotten.

Magnus handed him a to-go cup of coffee and a paper bag with his breakfast. “I figured you would be running late.”

“You figured right. Thank you for breakfast.” he grabbed his coffee and his bag and gave Magnus a quick kiss on the cheek. “I don’t want to leave.”

“I don’t want you to leave, either, but I’ll see you soon, right?” Mangus hooked a finger in his belt loop and pulled him closer, and he almost abandoned coffee and meetings in favor of making out with Magnus in the kitchen.

“You _will_ see me soon. Can I come back tonight?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“Do you even have to ask? I miss you already.” Magnus leaned in and captured his lips, kissing him deeply, and Alec knew that was likely the only thing he would think about all day.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set Directly after s2e9: Bound by Blood
> 
> Magnus and Alec deal with the impact of Izzy and Raphael's addiction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Malec-Centric bridge from one episode to the next for you.
> 
> This episode was so hard for me. So hard. I actually wrote Chapter 9 before I wrote this. It took me 3 weeks from start to finish on this one, which is insane, but I have my reasons. For one, it's angsty. Sorry about that, but I always stay true to what i think is actually going on with our boys. For two, I have some personal experience with how addiction impacts relationships. The emotions of that were really tough for me to write. I procrastinated because of this. I hope it came off okay in the end.
> 
> Thank You to the world's best beta, @LadyMatt for always putting up with my crazy, inspiration driven writing ways. M~~It becomes more clear with every passing day that I am beyond lucky to call you my friend. I love you more than you loathe EG. XX
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @blj2007
> 
> Feel free to comment :)

Magnus was pacing Raphael’s living room, rubbing his Omamori between his fingers, trying to ease the anxiety pressing down on his chest. Alec was angry with him and livid with Raphael, whose current blood haze had him believing he was in love with Izzy, who was hooked on Yin Fen.

After he fixed up Raphael’s face, he had gladly helped him go to sleep with a little bit of magic, his mood already sour without having to hear about how his relationship with Isabelle was the same as his and Alec’s.

It hadn’t been very long since Alec stormed out, and Magnus kept telling himself that no matter how miserable he was right now, he’d had no option but to stop him from going any further. Alec would be fine after he cooled off and got Izzy taken care of. He understood why Alec was so upset, of course, and why he had every right to be angry with Raphael, and disappointed in Izzy, but he didn’t have a reason to be mad at him. He told Alec as soon as he realized what was going on, and there wasn’t anything else he could have done. Sure, he could have told Alec that he had talked to Izzy about the Yin Fen at Hunter’s Moon, that he’d even been suspicious at the start, but Izzy had lied convincingly.

He checked his phone again for the tenth time, seeing that he still didn’t have any missed calls or messages. He contemplated just calling Alec and checking on them, but he didn’t think that would be the best idea. So, for now, they seemed to be doing what they always did, with Alec lashing out, and him shutting off. The only problem was, this time he couldn’t seem to shut off. Magnus resumed his pacing, and waited for his phone to ring.

Some time later, when he heard the door to Raph’s place open, he let out a huge sigh of relief. _He came back,_ he thought. Magnus slipped his Omamori back in his pocket, and walked quickly down the hall, ready to see Alec’s face and find out that he wasn’t upset with him anymore.

Except, he was met in the hallway by a shaking and staggering Isabelle. Magnus rushed out to help her stay on her feet and was immediately swatted at.

“Magnus, stop. Why are you still here?” Izzy whined at him, as she pushed him off and stumbled towards the couch where Raphael was sleeping.

Magnus let her have her way for the the time being, and went to the door, looking outside, trying to find Alec. When he didn’t see him, he started to really panic, knowing that Aec would never leave Izzy in her current state. Something was wrong. He went back to the couch where Izzy was sprawled out on top of his friend, and asked, “Where’s Alec?”

“Who knows? Probably somewhere telling someone what to do,” she said lazily, as she shook Raphael, trying to waking him up.  
Magnus shook his head, trying to get control of his temper, “Isabelle. Tell me where Alec is,” he demanded.

Izzy responded to the abrupt tone of his voice, but didn’t stop trying to get another fix, “Calm down. He’s fine. I’m sure he went back to the institute. He can’t boss me around. I’m a grown woman.”

That’s when it hit Magnus. Alec wasn’t with Izzy because she refused to go with him to get help, and not because he was hurt. He didn’t get as much relief from that as he should have. Knowing Alec would be hurt by his sister’s rejection of his help, made Magnus worry all the more. His anger at the situation finally bubbled over. He took a deep, steadying breath.

“I know you didn’t bring this on yourself, and that you are a victim in this situation too, but by continuing down this road, you are hurting the people you care about, people I care about, and I know you are going to be really upset with yourself later.”

Suddenly, Magnus didn’t care if Alec was mad at him. He knew he’d be blaming himself, and he had to reach out to him. Pulling out his phone, he sent a text.

 

* * *

 

Alec stared, surprised, at the text from Magnus.

**Are you willing and able to meet me outside the institute in 20?**

As upset as Alec was, he couldn’t say no, so he didn’t even hesitate to type out an answer.

**There’s a bench in the greenhouse. Near the back. Meet you there.**

He didn’t wait twenty minutes. Instead his legs carried him to the greenhouse without him even thinking about it, as if he was magnetically drawn to wherever Magnus would be. Alec took the path to his favorite bench, weaving in and out of the different species of flowers, his hand brushing the soft leaves of one of the plants as he walked by. He rounded the last little curve in the cobblestones, and stopped short of his destination.

Magnus was already there, sitting with one leg crossed over the other, and his elbow resting on the arm of the bench. Not seeing Alec yet, he was lost in thought, twirling a flower around in his hand. Alec watched him, and felt some of the tension leave his body. He felt better just being near to Magnus, and he instantly wished he had reached out to him as soon as Izzy rejected his help.

“You’re early,” Alec said softly.  
Magnus looked up at him, “You’re early too,” he said, as he encompassed the flower in a ball of blue magic in his hand, before sending it back to the plant he had plucked it from, making it as good as new.

Alec shuffled his feet and locked his hands behind his back. He didn’t know what to say. He was still angry. Angry at himself for not realizing that Izzy was dealing with something so serious, at Magnus for not telling him about his encounter with Izzy at Hunter’s Moon, and with Raphael for enabling her addiction.

“Will you tell me the significance of this place?” Magnus asked, looking up at him, his brown eyes pleading.

Alec wasn’t expecting to be asked this question, but he relaxed, because this was something he could easily talk about with Magnus. He walked over to the bench and sat next to him, close, but not too close. He took a deep breath and answered, “It’s quiet in here, and it’s calm. Whenever I needed a break from it all, my parents, the intensity of the parabatai bond, I would come here to think. It’s so different from the rest of the institute, and it’s kind of been an escape for me, without ever actually having to leave. When I was young I would sit here on ground in the middle of these tall plants and nobody would see me. One day a bench showed up in my spot. I’m guessing Izzy had something to do with it, although she’s never said anything. She’s the only one who knows about this place. Jace doesn’t even know, although I’m sure he has guessed because of our bond. He’s been standing in the doorway of the greenhouse waiting for me many times.”

Alec looked up at Magnus when he was done, waiting for a response from him. “So it’s your safe place?”

“It used to be, but it’s not anymore. It doesn’t feel the same now. I thought it would be a good place to meet, so Aldertree wouldn’t give you grief for being here,” Alec hesitated before admitting, “I’d rather come to your loft these days, when I need to get away.”

“Why didn’t you come there today, after Izzy left?” Magnus asked.

Alec cocked an eyebrow at him, “You know Izzy left? Is she back at _his_ house?”

Magnus nodded.

“At least we know where she is,” Alec shook his head, “I wasn’t sure if going to your place was a good idea. I wanted to give you some space after what happened earlier, but then you texted me. How about you? Why didn’t you ask me to meet you at the loft?”

“For the same reason, I guess. I wasn’t sure you would even want to talk, let alone at home.” Magnus said, “Let’s talk it out, now.”

Alec nodded his head, and then surprised even himself when he huffed out, “You used your magic on me.”

Magnus pursed his lips, “I often use my magic _on_ you.”

“Yeah, but this was different,” he said.

“Because of the color, or because I used it to stop you instead of heal you?” Magnus inquired.

Alec considered that for a moment, “Both.” He didn’t even know how to describe it, and he knew he was being petty, but it wasn’t the same as those other times.

“I also used it to stop you when you were falling off that ledge,” Magnus pointed out.

“Was it blue then?” Alec asked, already knowing the answer.

“Alexander, you are thinking too much about this. I don’t often have control over what color my magic is when I use it. It’s very tied to my emotions. Wait, do you think I was trying to hurt you?”

Alec sputtered, “No, of course not. I just...I don’t know.” Why couldn’t he just get this out? He knew that Magnus hadn’t been trying to hurt him, and he could even kind of understand that his magic had been that color because of his emotions, but it just felt wrong.

“I don’t think it’s about that. I think it’s because you were on his side, and not mine. It wouldn’t have mattered if you had stopped me with or without magic.” The words had only been out of Alec’s mouth for a few seconds before he realized how childish they sounded.

Magnus’ expression confirmed it for him, “Your _side_?! I’m always on your side. Would I have been ‘on your side’ if I let you kill a member of _my_ family out of anger, for something that wasn’t entirely his fault? You tell me what that would have said about our relationship?”

Alec shook his head in denial, “I wouldn’t have killed him, Magnus.”

“I’m not so sure about that. It’s what you’ve been trained to do your whole life. You take out anyone who puts your family in danger.” Magnus met his eyes, his gaze unwavering.

Alec’s face reddened as he jumped off the bench and put some distance between them. He was pissed, embarrassed, and worried about his sister. _His sister._

“She’s my family!” he said angrily for the second time that day. “I’m just supposed to let Raphael use her as his own personal blood bag because you know him? Are you kidding me, Magnus?”

“Absolutely not. I care about Izzy, and I would never knowingly let that happen. You keep saying that Izzy is your family, but what you aren’t getting is that Raphael is mine. He’s been with me longer than you and Izzy have been alive. Blood isn’t the only thing that makes a family. I understand why you lashed out at him. Hell, I even understand why you lashed out at _me_ , but you cannot criticize me for wanting to protect my family in that situation. He isn’t the only one who was using someone. Izzy was using him for his blood as well. She came to him for help, and he made a bad decision. Being a downworlder doesn’t make a person more culpable than being a shadowhunter does.”

Alec barked out, “I know that! You think you need to remind me of that? I don’t have that mentality.” He gestured between Magnus and himself to prove his point. Except, _Did he have that mentality?_ He wasn’t so sure anymore. Everything he thought he knew had been called into question the past few months, and it was common knowledge how prejudiced his family was against downworlders.

Magnus’ voice snapped him out of his thoughts, “This has to be dealt with, and I will help you, but what happened back there was not the way. He couldn’t even defend himself, Alec. He was too high. Imagine a scenario where I didn’t stop you.”

Alec paced back and forth, thinking that through. In truth, he didn’t know how far he would have taken things. He knew Magnus was right, but he wasn’t willing to concede that yet. “This isn’t ok. I need to get Isabelle away from Raphael, so I can get her better. I can’t think about anything else right now.”

“Alexander, I agree, and I’ll help you. We are always going to face challenges, remember? Now is one of those times when you shouldn’t push me away. We can fix this together.”

“I get it, I do, but-” Alec’s phone buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out to see that he was being called to the op center. “I, uh. I have to go.”

He watched as Magnus stood and walked over to him, still keeping his distance, “Will I see you later? Or do you need some time alone?”

Alec wanted to tell him that he would see him later, but he knew that he needed to focus on Isabelle right now. “I probably won’t be there tonight,” Alec admitted. Painfully aware of the hurt expression on his boyfriend’s face, he explained, “I’m going to try to finish up here and see if I can get Isabelle to come back again.”

Magnus closed the distance between them, and leaned in tentatively to kiss him on the cheek, “I understand. Call me when you go, and I’ll meet you there, to help.”

Alec didn’t allow himself to get lost in the moment with Magnus like he usually would, only closing his eyes briefly at his touch.

“Goodbye, Alexander.” Magnus gave him a soft smile, and left him standing in the greenhouse wondering how in the hell he was going to fix this mess.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set directly after s2e10: By the Light of Dawn
> 
> Alec and Magnus spend some time together after their beautiful reunion outside the institute. Madzie and Cat make an appearance too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Malec-Centric bridge. This one has to hold you over the three month hiatus. That episode was AMAZING and I really enjoyed writing a continuation of Malec after the hug/kiss/ILY/forehead touch scene.
> 
> As always, thank you to the world's best beta, @LadyMatt. ILY, my Titillating Tart, more than surprise updates on our favorite Malec fics.

Alec sent a text to Magnus letting him know that he was finally leaving the institute. He quickly threw some essentials in a bag, grabbed his bow and quiver, just in case, and headed out. It had been a long night and an even longer day, and he was emotionally and physically exhausted. He hadn’t wanted to leave Magnus this morning after they were reunited, and the feeling must have been mutual, because Magnus offered to stay at the institute with him while he finished his work. He reluctantly urged him to go home, knowing Magnus had just as many things of his own to do with regards to the Downworlder community, including checking on Madzie. He promised to see him later. That was six hours, and thirty-five minutes ago. Not that he was counting.

His day had started eighteen hours before, when Madzie shut him in that elevator, and he was more than ready to sit down and switch his brain off at this point. Thankfully, everything after his reunion with Magnus had seemed insignificant and easy to handle. The hours he spent trying to keep the Soul Sword from being activated and searching for Magnus overshadowed every other thing he had ever done in his life. Since that moment on the sunlit lawn of the institute, he had been on autopilot, his soldier’s mind taking over allowing him to discharge his duties as the Head of the New York Institute. Anytime he thought of Magnus, he pushed those feelings aside and focused on the work at hand, telling himself that the faster he got done, the sooner he would be back with his boyfriend.

Alec’s phone pinged, and he looked at Magnus’ reply.

**I’ll be here.**

He breathed a sigh of relief, because even though he knew that Magnus was strong and powerful, there was something about nearly losing someone you love to a tool of mass destruction that had a lasting effect on you. He’d thought Magnus was his responsibility, which was true, but he was also so much more than that. The past twenty-four hours had made that clear to him. He was the love of his life, his heart walking around outside his body, and the embodiment of all that Alec had ever wished for. He couldn’t fathom how he would be able to go on if he ever lost him.

He had some experience with almost losing people when Jace was gone with Valentine, but this had been different. Missing his parabatai had been a hollow feeling that he was desperate to fill, leaving him feeling incomplete and unstable. The distress he’d felt worrying about Jace had been deep, but it was a different kind of pain than this. The moments where he thought Magnus could be dead had felt like a knife stabbed right through his chest. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, and the pain made it unbearable to focus on what needed to be done. Every face of a dead downworlder in the institute gave him a mixture of dread and relief that it wasn’t Magnus. Every time he dialed Magnus’ phone and got his voicemail, he gagged, and every corner he rounded and saw another slew of bodies on the floor, he thought he would pass out. One particularly terrifying moment was when he saw a man with similar clothes to Magnus. Alec doubled over in pain, and had to force himself to take a closer look and see if the body did in fact belong to his boyfriend. The relief that flooded him when he saw it wasn’t Magnus was dizzying, but it also made him feel so guilty. That was someone’s loved one gone forever, and all Alec could think was how glad he was that it wasn’t his.

By the time he had searched every nook and cranny of the institute three times over, and stumbled outside, he was beside himself with worry and on the verge of a full blown panic attack. So when Magnus grabbed his arm, and he finally took in his face, the relief that flooded him was overwhelming. Emotions absolutely _were_ a distraction, he had been right about that, but they weren’t _nothing_ but a distraction. They were everything, and he couldn’t have been more wrong in his thinking about the ways such strong emotions shaped a person. Every moment with Magnus, every word, touch, and look was permanently etched on his soul, and he had never been more thankful for something that had the power to destroy him.

He opened the door to the loft quietly, not wanting to disturb Magnus if he was resting or was still attending to business. He dropped his bag and bow in the alcove by the door, and went straight to the kitchen to get a drink of water. While passing Magnus’ office he heard him talking to someone, and he quickly walked by, not wanting to disturb him or overhear his conversation.  
After he had his drink, he walked back by the office, and this time Magnus was looking at him, with his phone to his ear. They shared a look of complete happiness, as their smiles widened, he gestured to the bedroom, and Magnus nodded in understanding.

He removed his boots and dropped with a loud sigh onto the couch in Magnus’ bedroom. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, trying to shake off the day and relax his muscles. He was bone tired, but he didn’t want to go to sleep until after he got to talk to Magnus. He breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth slowly and deeply, trying to relax and not let another wave of anxiety take over. After what was in reality no more than a few minutes, Alec decided he might get up and see what was taking so long. When he opened his eyes, he saw Magnus, leaning against the doorway, and looking at him like he was the best sight he had ever seen. The feeling was mutual. They were both in the same clothes as before, which was very telling of the kind of day Magnus had, considering he could easily magic up some new clothes with minimal effort and time.

“I didn’t want to wake you,” he heard that velvety voice say.

“I wasn’t sleeping. Waiting for you,” he made to get up and go to Magnus, not wanting to be apart from him for a second longer, when Magnus gestured for him to stay where he was. He watched him walk over to where he was with lithe, quick steps. They stared at each other for a long moment, each just reveling in the fact that they were both here.

Magnus asked “Why don’t we lie down awhile? We have time before i need to check on Madzie, and I think the world might be able to go on without our help for a few hours.” Magnus’ words were meant as a joke, but his tone was serious, worried even, and Alec understood that all too well. They never really could rest, could they? Both always on call and responsible for the lives of many. Both holding the weight of the world on their shoulders.

Alec nodded, because no more words were needed. His jacket was removed by magic and sent to a hook near the closet. He watched as Magnus leaned down, grabbed the hem of his shirt, and lifted it over his head, tossing it on the floor. Then Magnus removed his jacket, waistcoat, and shirt the same way. He couldn’t sit there any longer, so he scooted to the edge of the couch and began to help Magnus out of his pants.

Naturally, his body responded to being so close to Magnus, but Alec pushed that aside. This wasn’t sexual, not this time, not right now. He wanted his body pressed next to Magnus from head to toe. He wanted to breathe him in and listen to his heartbeat, feel the warmth of those arms around him and be the one to feel protected for a change. Magnus stepped out of the pants as they pooled on the floor, and grabbed his hands, pulling him off the couch so that he could return the favor. He barely registered that Magnus was undressing him, because he was so fixated on the expression on his face. Finally, they were standing there, Alec in gray boxer briefs and Magnus in black hipster briefs. He heard him say, “I think we’d better leave these on, if we are going to try and get some sleep. I may be used to showing restraint around Shadowhunters, but my willpower isn’t _that_ strong.”

Alec grinned at him and leaned down slightly to place a kiss on the tip of his nose, before whispering, “Right. If _your_ willpower isn’t strong, then mine is non-existent.”

He took Magnus’ hand and led him over to the bed, throwing back covers and decorative pillows, and then waited for him to get in first, seeing as they were on Alec’s side. He couldn’t believe his luck in life, that he actually had a side of this bed. Just a few weeks ago it would have seemed impossible, and once again he was hit with a wave of emotion at the thought of how much Magnus had saved him.

He climbed into bed and covered them up, quickly pulling Magnus’s back up against his chest, wrapping his arms around him and throwing his leg over his. He heard Magnus’ sigh, and kissed his head, burying his nose in strands of black hair. “I love you, Magnus,” he said for the second time that day.

“I love you, Alexander,” the reply that came was soft and sweet and made his heart stutter in his chest. He pulled him even closer, which was nearly impossible, and covered Magnus’ left hand with his own, rubbing circles on it. Several minutes went by, and he was content to just listen to the sound of their steady breathing. He was almost asleep when something tugged the edges of his mind, and he needed to ask Magnus something.

“Magnus, when did you know?”

“When did I know what, darling?” Magnus mumbled sleepily.

Unable to stop the smile that spread across his face, he replied, “When did you know that you loved me?” Alec had realized when Magnus said it, that he had known first, which wasn’t a surprise, because it took him a while to catch up to things, but he was curious as to when Magnus had come to the conclusion that he loved him.

“Oh, was I that obvious? Well, I think that it was sometime during the time I watched you slip away from us. I would have done anything to keep you alive, up to and including giving my own life, and the pain I felt when I thought you were gone…..” he cleared his throat, “anyway, I think that’s when it became clear to me,” Magnus confessed softly, as if the quietness in his voice could somehow lessen the impact of such a statement.

“That was weeks ago,” Alec said, a look of wonder on his face.

“Yes, well we’ve both been very busy, and honestly, Alexander, I didn’t want to scare you off by making such a big declaration so soon. I feel like I show you how I feel every day, and that surely you know the depth of my feelings through my actions, so I was just going to wait until you were ready. I didn’t expect it to be so soon.”

“I didn’t either, but I just…..” he struggled to find the words to express to Magnus what he was feeling.

“I know. I know,” Magnus reassured him.

“Is it always like this? Love, I mean?” he questioned, not even sure if he was ready for such an answer from a man who had been with thousands of people before him.

“No. It isn’t. It’s _never_ been like this for me. This is different, more, and as always you have been a surprise to me, Alexander.”

Alec couldn’t hide his grin, so he just buried his face in Magnus’ neck and placed kisses there, enjoying the shivers that it gave Magnus. He adjusted his body so that he had Magnus tucked under his chin, his hair brushing his lips.

“Sleep, my shadowhunter,” Magnus said, and he did.

* * *

 

 Magnus was barely aware of someone knocking on his door, and he tried to open his eyes. He felt like he had been asleep for a decade, and yet somehow it wasn’t enough. He was burning hot, and he knew it was because his very large boyfriend was still draped around him like a blanket, and that they were also covered by an actual blanket. Magnus finally managed to rouse himself and sent the blanket flying with a quick snap of his fingers, because he needed to cool down and he didn’t have the heart to move Alec. More knocking on the door had him grabbing his phone off the stand to check the time. Was it really eight at night? They had been asleep for five hours?! Just as he was untangling his legs from Alec’s and sliding his torso out from under a runed arm, he felt a ripple in his wards, signalling that the person who had been knocking had given up on manners and walked right in. There were only a few allowed to do that, so it had to be Simon, Raphael, or Catarina, and he doubted it was Raph. He was just about to call out when he heard Cat’s voice from the doorway of his room.

“My dear, Magnus, I am so very sorry to interrupt _this_. You have worn him right out, haven’t you?” she smirked.

Alec woke with a jerk, having heard the new voice, and Magnus snapped the blankets back in place and placed a steadying hand on his chest. “It’s ok. You can go back to sleep. Cat’s just here to bring Madzie by. I overslept, but you can rest longer. I will get you if your phone has any important alerts,” he reassured him.

Cat took her cue to leave, “Madzie and I will be in the kitchen making crepes, whenever you sleepyheads decide to join us.”

Magnus hopped up and snapped on some comfortable clothes as he took in the bewildered expression on Alec’s face. He understood his feelings, it wasn’t ideal being nearly naked in bed the first time he met one of his dearest friends. “Doesn’t anyone knock when they come here?” Alec grumbled.

“Oh, she did. She’s one of the few who always does. She also called five times and texted three. She probably thought I was dead. I never sleep that soundly.”

“That’s not funny,” Alec chastised him for his joke.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, I just wanted to explain how worried she must have been to walk all the way into my bedroom like that.”

Alec wasn’t really upset though, and he had already moved on to something else. “Madzie is here?” he asked.

“Yes, she is. I was supposed to go to Cat’s at seven. It’s now eight, and so it seems she decided to just come to me instead.”

Alec blanched, “It’s eight?! We slept for four hours?,”

“We slept for five, and we needed it, so don’t be too hard on yourself. How about some food? I’ll go help the girls while you have a few minutes to yourself and check-in with the institute,” he said as he leaned over Alec and kissed him, too quickly for his liking.

“Yeah, ok. I could eat, and I want to see the kid.”

Magnus smiled, straightened up and made a sweeping gesture to Alec in his bed, “ _This_ is not over. Waving his fingers to encompass his boyfriend’s shirtless torso, he continued, “I need a rain check on all of _this._ I promise to put special wards on my bedroom.”

He laughed, “Deal, but only if you can get my bag for me.”

That was an easy one. He would have done many more difficult things for that deal, but he wasn’t going to let Alec know that. With a wave of his hand he moved the bag to the floor near the bed, and then took off towards the kitchen.

Cat and Madzie were leaning over his stove, carefully watching the contents in a pan.

“You know, when you said crepes, I didn’t really think you were going to make them, Catarina. You could simply bring some from Paris with much less effort. Poor Madzie will think we have to do everything the hard way,” but even as he said it, he was walking over to them to help. He patted Madzie on the head and gave her the softest smile.

“I like your house,” she said.

“Thank you, sweet pea. It is my favorite place in the world to be, and that is saying something, considering all the places I have been.” He winked at the girl and stirred.

“That wouldn’t have anything to do with the model in your bedroom would it?” Cat teased.

Magnus just laughed and dotted some flour on her nose. They continued cooking playfully, until Madzie’s attention was caught by someone across the room. He followed her gaze and saw Alec standing there with his hands behind his back, a curious look on his face.

“Everything ok at the Institute?” he asked.

“Yes, as good as it can be for now. I’ll need to go check on Izzy later, but I won’t be gone long. Clary is taking the night shift with her. She’ll be sleeping it off in the infirmary for a few days,” he reassured him.

“Or I can go with you. Cat and Madzie will have to leave soon, because the little one has to go to bed.” He watched as Madzie climbed down off her stool and walked over to Alec with purpose.

“Yes, you can, if you want,” Alec responded distractedly, as he squatted down to talk to Madzie.

Magnus watched them, mesmerized by Alec’s brilliant smile in response to something the little girl said, when Catarina asked incredulously, “They know each other?”

“Not only do they know each other, but Madzie has saved Alec’s life twice. She took to him instantly, and is quite protective of him.” He couldn’t hide his amusement at the situation. It was so ironic, this tiny girl protecting a big, tall Shadowhunter.

“Wow, that _is_ remarkable, because she took all day to warm up to me, and I’m yet to be the recipient of such a sweet smile. He seems to like her as well.” She shook her head in disbelief.

“This is the first time I’m seeing them together myself, and it is quite the sight to behold. Apparently, he complimented her gills the first time they met, and the rest is history.”

Cat said, “What a darling.” and turned back to her food.

“She is, isn’t she?” Magnus agreed.

“Oh, I was talking about your lovely man,” Cat chuckled.

Magnus couldn’t help but laugh with her. He watched as Madzie turned to him and gestured back and forth between him and Alec, and a lightbulb went off in his head. _Of course!_ She hadn’t known that they even knew each other, but she trusted them both. He nodded in confirmation and watched as she gave a huge smile and said something that made Alec almost fall over laughing. If he hadn’t been in love with that man already, then he definitely would have fallen hard at that moment. His heart was bursting with love and hope for future possibilities with this wonderful man.


End file.
